A
female
age
36-40,
*est of Faith
writes:My fiance and I would have been celebrating our 5th year together in December but in October he tells me that he feels like something is wrong with him, he thinks its an early mid-life crisis (he's 33), something is missing in his life, he feels empty, etc. He didnt ask for the ring back but I gave it back after he told me that he wasnt happy and he just didnt know why. All he's repeated is that famous bs line of "its not you its me". He's made it clear that there is no one else and I would know if there was due to our friendship circle. He told his friends and family that he just wasnt happy and needed to make himself happy before he could make me happy. He's said he loves me but can't lead me on when he doesnt know what makes him happy anymore. Im so lost. I need help to figure out what I should do. Ive stopped texting and doing anything to talk to him. I dont get responses from his family and we were all so close...I really need to know what other men his age think about this. He says that he loves me and its not me that made him unhappy that he should be the luckiest man on earth to have such a wonderful person love him but "things happen" he said that he could wake up one morning and find he's made the biggest mistake or when he comes to look for me i could be gone. What does this all mean????? Please someone help me. Im so depressed and upset all the time. I love him and want him to be happy but I also want to know what I did wrong for him to stop loving me.....Does anybody have a clue?I have tried to talk to him and all he tells me is that he's not happy and he thinks something is wrong and he needs to fix it. He told me he felt like all he was ever gona do is hurt those he loved and disapoint everyone. He hasnt responded to my past texts ( i havent sent him any since 11/11/09) so I cant get anywhere with him about why or what. Ive begged and his mom has begged that he see a counselor. He basically kicked me out and hasnt wanted anything to do with me since...he's told me in some text that he loved me and didnt want anyone else and cared about my feelings because it hurts him to hurt me. But its been since 11/11 and he's not sent me anything and none of his family or friends have talked to me either (besides his mom who sends me text to say she's thinking about me and praying for me) I can't help someone who doesnt want to be helped ya know? but i love him so much I want to help in some way. I just cant stop thinking that he doesnt want me and that bs line of "it's not you it's me" was just bs and it really is me because Im the only one he's not having anyting to do with. He's gone out with his brothers and their wives/fiance's. The holidays are coming up and its going to be really difficult. Im crying a lot but too scared to call him because the last time we talked he was ill towards me and cant give me answers. Are there any men out there who have been through this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): My heart feels for you. I know you are going through a rough time but please do not waste your life away thinking of what more could you have done. This man did not just wake up and discover that he was unhappy. His words that ‘it is not you, its him” is also kinda BS. He knows exactly what he is doing. And his family is also hiding the truth from you. Yes, this close circle of friends will also not rat him out. Whatever his excuses are , it is time to re prioritising yourself. Get angry, be mad, mourn the loss of your relationship but slowly move on. Take the time to heal and you will find someone to love you. Do not allow this man to have such power over your life. You deserve more. There is so much more to this story that this man has not told you. Do not rely on his mother to be there for you. Her loyalties are with her son. At this very difficult time the only person you can rely on is yourself. You will get through this heartache a and pain and you need to dig deep within and you would be amazed to realise that you are actually capable of surviving without him. Trust Q on this one- he is almost always right. And i think here he hits it on the head. There is someone else that this man is not telling you about. But whether this is confirmed or not, please do not waste your life pining for someone who doesn’t deserve your love. So mourn the loss but please resolve to move on. EYES comments also makes good sense. Keep bus and one dau you will move on. Please take care and post us an update. If you just need to vent or to cry give us a shout. Good luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Oh I'm so sorry you are suffering especially during this time of year. I think that you have to realize there is nothing you can do at this point except to leave him alone. If he needs you he will let you know. Try to stay as busy as you can, do some volunteer work during the holidays, anything that will keep your mind occupied. Not knowing the nature of his problem I can only hope he gets the help and counsel he needs to help him figure everything out. I know you don't feel like dating but go out with friends and try to enjoy the holiday festivities. Hang in there, sweetheart. Things will turn out for the best.
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