A
male
age
41-50,
*ansan22
writes:What's going on?My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. When we first got together we were living with my mother and moved out in about 1 year. April will make 2 years at our new place. We live in a small town with very few jobs and the companies we worked for didn't have their act together and it's amazing they're still open. Her place pays her a decent wage of per hr but she's lucky to get enough hours per week. So she makes this up by working at the local grocery store's bakery department and they are working her 5 - 6 days per week 4 - 5 hours at a time. She does this to at least make $ and to save up some money because she got a new truck this year. The company I was working for had my hours all over the place and wouldn't tell me I was working overtime until Friday at 3PM making it impossible to find part time work.They refused to get another person for 3rd shift and made me fill in at their convenience often with just exactly 8 hours between shifts. I got a new job working in industry that pays way better but it's 730 AM to 4PM with weekends off. This really conflicts with her schedule as she works 4PM to 8PM at the grocery store and 10PM - 6AM at her main job. She goes on and on about wanting to get out and I want to move too but we have to have some cash saved in order to do so. When an opportunity came for her to apply for a job in the same area I would be working at 18/hr doing the same job she's doing right now she refused, saying she doesn't like to drive in the dark more than a few miles. She said that after the 1st of the year she will have 2 weeks vacation and that she plans on looking for another job since her main employer can't guartee her 40 hrs per week let alone tell her what days she's working. She's lucky to get a schedule if at all and has to constantly call the supervisor to know what days to be at work. But today she snapped at me saying "When am I going to have time to interview?" When I suggested the possibility of ditching one of the jobs and helping her with her truck payments it was treated like a great insult. At her main job she started out on 1st shift and then I got hired at my previous employer on 3rd so she moved to 3rd to have the same hours as me. But that only lasted a year until the 2nd person on 2nd shift quit so rather than replace them they told me you're going to be on 2nd for the most part but you're also going to cover 3rd when we lay off people or the person on 3rd takes vacation. I get the feeling that she resents me for taking this new job even though she appeared to be excited and congralutory. I have no clue where to begin making sense of her emotions and the last couple of days when I've been able to spend some time with her she's distant. She's been on anti anxiety medecation since before I met her. When I first met her she had moved from a city, to where we are now because her mom guilt tripped her into coming home to take care of her grandma. She left a really good job as a manager of a well known retailer, only to get here and have her mom say oh I can take care of grandma now, sorry. But she tells me she never wants to work in customer service or retail again because she didn't like selling a good version of herself to customers who would treat her like crap. She tells me she just wants a job where she can go to work and come homewithout any headache or drama putting in her 40 per week.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 I have looked through your letter and I am hard pressed to find a question in there. I am also confused by your various schedules and permutations of schedules. It seems like you need to run a spreadsheet just to be in the house together at the same time.
However other couples have survived this, but the key is to have a time limit, and a goal. After that something needs to change otherwise what's the point? Are you only going through this work nightmare in order to have things like a new truck? What are your goals? What do you want out of life?
Your time on Earth is finite. You only have so much allotted. You make an agreement to sell so much of your time to your employer. In return you receive enough money to maintain a lifestyle.
You and the missus need to get together and decide if you are getting a good deal. You need to re-evaluate your aims in life, and set your compass anew.
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