A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, i've got a real issue and i need as much help as you can give me! Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up. We love each other loads and used to be head over heels and really happy. But recently we've been arguing all the time and it's come to the point now where we think fundamental differences may be arising (or he thinks that!) that may mean we should end. He claims i get too disappointed when he turns me down on a date, i'm too much of a nag and that like my ideas on being dead on time etc and stuff are far from his very laid back views. He also feels my parents disapproval of him at times esp his taking of my virginity could become a future issue. Garr i can't imagine losing him but at the same time all this arguing is exhausting. But it seems like he won't change, i find him snappy and moody at times which he recognizes although he doesn't seem eager to change.He's calling me tomorrow so we can decide where this is going. What do i do?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 OK, you may not like what I am gonna say, but here is my opinion:It seems you love him mostly because...he loves you. You have described things he DOES for you, but you have not talked about who he IS as a person or what you share.Strong relationships withstand the test of time because of something you share: a common commitment to something, a common belief system, or a common set of values.Yeah, I know: it sounds a lot more boring than texting you "Good Morning Beautiful"! But all that romantic stuff--which is important too--has to rest on a deeper and common foundation. He is not always gonna be in a mood to text "Good Morning Beautiful". And other disagreements, like the ones you mentioned, may arise.I think you need to think about what you share rather than what he does for you. Believe it or not, sharing is deeper than giving. Then, you can decide if these challenges can be weathered.Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): I love him because he makes me laugh and cares for me so deeply. For the little things he sends to me just to show he loves me and i love him for the efforts he goes to to make me happy. I love him for when he sends me texts most mornings saying 'Good Morning Beautiful' I love him for his support during hard times, i love him for the sacrifices he makes for me.
...............................
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (22 April 2011):
The question is, I think, what do you have in common and share? You've told us you love him but didn't tell us why. And then you only told us the bad stuff.
Explain the stuff that binds you together and then we'll make a decision!
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (22 April 2011):
Rule: if you need him to change in order to be with you, there is no future for your couple.
The same if you have to change to suit him.
...............................
|
