A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went snooping through my boyfriend phones because I felt like he was being off with me (I know snooping is wrong and I shouldn't assume from past experiences the worst but I couldn't help my curiosity) I noticed that he has snap chat under a different name and even -- than the old one he used to use and a new email address to register it to which I am unaware of. on there i saw glimpses of messages which included sexual pictures. As soon as I saw it I burst into tears I felt rage and betrayed am I right to feel like this. He would beyond go mad at me for that behaviour but thinks I shouldn't be as mad as I am! To me it's cheating what do you alll think? Is sexual exchanges with other people cheating ? He denied it at first then I begged for the truth where he admitted to sending sexually explicit pictures and talking to someone . He wouldn't tell me who and still insist it's a random girl from online I can't stop thinking about it. I find myself worried like I'm not good enough how could he do this to me? Is there hope that this is a one off or is it just the start, from experience it is just the start but I shouldn't Tarr him with the same brush should I ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Off course its a form off cheating, and he is trying to justify it by saying it is nothing and that you are over reacting. I personally don't think I could forgive this, because if you hadn't found them he would never have told you, it is the lies that would destroy me the most.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 June 2017):
 I agree with N91
Yes, it is a form of cheating. It's something he HID from you and then LIED about.
He will do it again and again - he will JUST be better at hiding it from you. So... YOU have to decide if this is OK in a relationship or not. If it isn't END it. Don't "forgive" it, hold it over his head or sweep it under the rug. Just CUT him loose. IF he wants to send/receive nudes and get involved with another girl (doesn't matter WHERE she is or WHO she is) then he should CHOOSE to be single.
OP, you know it's not OK in a relationship to do this. YOU wouldn't do it, right? Out of respect for your relationship and your partner? Correct? SO do NOT accept for HIM to do it to you! Logic!
this is NOT about you nor being good enough, it's about HIM not being MATURE enough for a serious relationship and THAT you can't fix. He can't fix it either, he might mature given plenty of time but I wouldn't hold my breath over this.He would probably have done this with ANY GF, because that is what immature little dicks do.
Don't ACCEPT people to do shitty things to you and then BLAME yourself.
Learn from this. YOUR gut instinct was ON the money.
Yes, snooping is bad. But sticking your head in the sand and making excuses for him is even worse.
YOU can do SO much better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): It's up to you to decide what you feel is over the line when it comes to communications of a sexual-nature, exchanged between your boyfriend and other women.
It is cheating to exchange pictures and sex-talk, be it online or by phone. If you're exclusive, you don't imply you want sex or even pretend to have (or want) sex with other people. As far as I'm concerned, you're just a step away from meeting-up and doing it.
If I knew my boyfriend did it, as hard is it would be, it would be over. I only forgave someone for cheating once. That was my limit. This was explained on the onset of our relationship. He had been cheated on a number of times by all his exes. So we have the same feelings about cheating.
Let's put this way. Relationships require trust to keep them together. If you can forgive and trust him from now on, keep him. If you can't, don't torture him with childish nonsense and crazy-girlfriend stuff. Let him go.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 June 2017):
 In my eyes yes.
Anything that you would keep secret from your partner regarding another person I would see as cheating.
It's up to you where you go from here, can you see him doing it again? Can you trust him? You need to have a good think as you can't go on living in worry of whether he will do it again.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to trust someone who did something like this ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): Yes, it's cheating. It's best you leave him now before he hurts you even more. He has already checked out of your relationship to be doing something like this. Why wait around for it to get worse? With this girl? With another girl?
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