A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm scared i don't like my boyfriend of 4 years enough for it to last forever. we are long distance and in several months we're going to be living together and i'm very looking forward to that and our future, but he made me nervous because he sent me a love letter declaring his love getting stronger during our time apart. For me, absence doesn't make the heart go fonder, it makes it sort of...dead. I get kind of numb, we've been long distance a long time and it's sort of my way of protecting myself, [I can't see him right now because he's deployed.] it scared me to see him SO passionate while my feelings stay the same or degrade over time, even though I'm pretty postitive they'll "reactivate" once we're together again, because I think the lack of physical affection and face to face interaction is what makes me end up in this kind of numb position. still, as opposite ends on the spectrum, I feel like he deserves better than me because he's so good to me and then I'm just like overwhelmed by how strongly he feels...this imbalance may not be fair to him, and maybe I should give him up so that a girl can reciprocate this equally strongly. He also said something about how he feels this romance is like... a storybook romance that he's been waiting for all his adult life. now, i don't know if, even at the most secure and happy points of our relationship, I've EVER felt that-is this something people actually feel, I thought this was a myth, some hollywood fabrication, but maybe this means I don't really know true love? or do you think he's saying that because he thinks that's something I want to hear? I know that I live in the moment and he sees a bigger picture, so for me I almost feel like this relationship is a mess right now just because of the pain of being apart, but i AM hopeful and excited about our future, but it just scares me that he's on a total different wavelength and that something might be wrong with mine. in two words, he is dedicated and certain, and I am anxious (that something's going to go wrong) but hopeful. Is this bad after 4 years 'together' (but apart, again the distance)?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Yes, you definitely need to tell this guy how you feel. You are on different pages, and at some point that is going to cause problems. I know you say you are excited about the future, but I get the feeling you are only TRYING to be excited. You seem to be overwhelmed by his feelings for you and him being away has only been a small factor in this. Talk to him about things and see what he says. Maybe he can slow down a bit and give you time to try to catch up. If you can't catch up, it would probably be best to break things off.
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