A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a guy three years my junior. We have been great friends for a long while before committing and have been dating for almost four months now. Things are going extremely well except for the sexual aspect. He is a Christian so his belief in 'no sex before marriage' is strong, which is fine with me. Despite this, he is very keen on playing with me frequently, and to be honest I have enjoyed most of it but have faked it once or twice, as my drive is not very high, and I find it somewhat pressuring rather than enjoyable, like it should be. I feel most pressured when he asks to finger me. For some reason, I am most worried about it being smelly, even though I shower everyday. At the moment, I just want to be with him, and have occasional sexual pleasure. Are my worries about being smelly normal and should I remain in the relationship if I don't want to be pleasured as often as he likes to? Should I allow him to play with me even when I am not quite up for it? Also, he is considering marriage, and says that we will do it regularly once we have officially committed, which sounds scary to me too!!!! Don't get me wrong, I would love to be his wife, but the sexual thing is an issue for me. Please help!!! Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Interesting that he doesn't class any of this as sex.Don't accept anything you are uncomfortable with. Sex - and all aspects of a relationship - is supposed to be mutually enjoyable.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 What happens if your boyfriend is highly sexual? Then marriage comes, and you and him end up wanting different things from sex, as you're fine with not much sex, and even don't like the little you get?
Maybe you should tell him how you feel about sex, that you feel pressured at times, that you aren't always enjoying it, and that your sex drive isn't high.
Its not "like it should be" if you feel pressured into sex. It's an old legend that women don't like sex, or aren't supposed to enjoy it. If you don't like what's going on, don't think "it's like it should be", instead speak up! How will a potential marriage be if you keep holding things back and aren't honest with him.
And, stop the faking. You are only digging yourself, and him, into a hole. Just don't do it, you aren't doing yourself, or him, any favours. Besides, it's deceitful. Stay honest with your partner if you want to give the relationship it's best.
As for your potential smell... you don't smell. If he was bothered by a smell of any sort he'd let you know. Unless you have a medical problem that your doctor has pointed out, you don't smell. Get a gynecological examination once (just say you want a check up, or want a pap smear, which is good to get anyway). If you smell abnormally, the doctor will notice and talk to you about it. You could possibly also ask directly and say that you are worried about smelling.
Talk to your boyfriend about your thoughts around sex. You need to be honest with him and be on the same page as him on this one, or else both of you will get a shock after the (potential) wedding.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Well if you're worried about it being smelly and you have no infections, then just wash before he fingers you. But if you feel pressured, then why do it? If he can wait until marriage to have sex, then he can wait until you're comfortable to do sexual things. Tell him how you feel and that you would like to wait until you're more comfortable.
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