A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 19 year old apprentice hairdresser, I have fallen for a 49 year old salesman who delivers product to our salon. I have always fancied older men and have had a few affairs and slept with them. My parents are worried that he his using me and it is causing arguments between us all. He recently went skiing with his mates but they think he has gone with another woman. I was supposed to go skiing with him in March but I can't get the time off work. Are my parents right to be worried and should I worry a bit more and take their advice about checking him out? He buys me lots of 'presents' and has taken me with him to hotels and dancing. Am I safe with this guy or would I be better off looking for someone my own age? Please advise.
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affair, crush, older men Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I think you are nothing more than fun and games to him...
that you mean nothing more to him than a wisp in the wind.
I'd dump him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2013):
I think you are nothing more than fun and games to him...
that you mean nothing more to him than a wisp in the wind.
I'd dump him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Thank you for the advice and the mixed bag of replies. Since he has returned from his recent trip I have had a text message saying the person has had the time of her life with him on holiday. I replied asking who it was but they said he was just using me for a trophy and sex. Do I believe them or ignore it? I have spoken to him and he admitted he use to give clients 'extra discounts' for sex when he was younger and sleep with salon owners to get sales but he has stopped that now. Do I believe him or get rid of him? I love him but I don't want to be made a fool of.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 January 2013):
Dear OP,
I think your parents are right to worry about you.
I mean, what kind of guy wants to have a girlfriend who is 30 years younger? Who could very easily be his daughter?
If you are safe.. well, I don't think he'll physically harm you. You already give him what he wants: Sex with a woman who's very young and admires him for his maturity.
So, he'll probably just have sex with you and tell you nice things for as long as he feels like it and then drop you. But don't expect him to really care for your emotions, because if he did, he'd at least discuss the age gap with you and he'd be much more worried that this all can go well between you.
Imagine this guy was your boyfriend - are you gonna bring him around to your friends' place? Are you gonna take him to the parties that you usually go? When people ask if he's your father, what do you say? And him.. Will HIS friends accept you as an equal, and his family, too?
This doesn't sound like real love, not even from your side. It sounds like a trade, or something with an expiration date - a new affair, I guess.
However.. I really wish for someone your age to experience love. And the fun that one can have with someone their own age that has its own joys, sorrows and doubts.
But in the end, you are grown up, this is your decision now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): The best way to find out if he does really like you is to talk to him about whether he would be open about your relationship and if he wont then its very likely that he is using you.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Well your parents are concerned because of him being 30 years older than you. At his age he's been around the block a few times. Makes them wonder what his long term motives are, he's around your parents age.And something for you to think about, you're 19 now, what about 20 years from now, he will be 69. How much in common will you both have when he's 69 and your 39 ??? Just think about it.
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