A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Six years ago, I was going through a very weird stage in my life. Mentally. The following year, I ended up being diagnosed with anxiety and impulsive control disorder. During this time I met this guy, and my whole life changed. He is the male version of me (minus the crazy). We shared all the same likes, dislikes etc and I started to feel more like myself again. I've never had a connection with anyone, like I have with him. I love this guy. After about 8 months it came to an end, however not on bad terms. We've remained friends and throughout the years somehow always ended up coming back to each other and hooking up. People always comment on how we light up when we see each other, even now. It's been around 2 years since the last time we hooked up, we drop the odd text to see how each other are doing and if we bump into each other, catch up. All cool. Shortly after breaking up with guy #1 I met another guy (#2), through a mutual friend. This was in no way a romantic set up. It was a social group, we'd hang out at weekends, drinking etc. Eventually I became really good friends with #2 and even though we went months without seeing each other, we'd talk everyday. Fast forward 5 years and I'm now in a relationship with guy #2 and have been for almost a year. What I'm really struggling with at the moment is, I think I've tried to convince myself that I love him and I'm in love with him. Because that's what's meant to happen. I know I care for him, a lot. But I don't think it's anything more than that. We're making all these life plans and I feel like I'm just going a long with it. I do want these things we've talked about, but I don't honestly believe in myself that he's the one I want them with. I have none of the feelings for him that I have for #1. And I feel just like a really terrible person, because my bf is a great guy. I know, 8 months isn't a long time and I should just get over it. If me and #1 were meant to be together, we'd be together. I get that. But it's deeper than that, I just can't seem to shake him, or these feelings that I have. Is that what's holding me back from fully being able to commit emotionally to my bf?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I think you should end things with your boyfriend. You are not on the same page as him, you are agreeing with the plans which is actually very cruel to him because he thinks you are in love with him and want to spend your life with him. Be kind to him and to yourself and end things.
Be on your own for a while and concentrate on you. Be independent and give yourself the time you need to heal from the past.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I don't think you are in the right state of mind to be in a relationship at all. It can take years to get over someone. Until you are completely free you are better off staying free and enjoying being your own person.
It isn't fair to your new boyfriend if you are still struggling with feelings from the past.
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