A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about jealousy. I have a new bf who ive only been going out with for a month buttt have known him for a while (we were good friends before). I dont ever really feel jealous when i see him talking to other girls or even when other girls flirt with him. And im so happy about this. But its weird...With my bf before him I was constantly jealous and feeling insecure. I was jealous about just even any girl talking to him. My bf said it was an issue of MINE that i had to deal with. He blamed it all on me from being insecure. I beleive him. However now im having second thoughts about what caused the jealousy with my ex.If it was a insecurity issue I have within myself then how come im not having it with my current bf? I havent done anything to work on my insecurities. This makes me think maybe the reason i was jealous with my ex was because there was no trust. He was a major flirty. And he seriously enjooyed any little atention from any girls. He would always be showing off his mucles and so on and looking for praise about his looks. And he would alwyas make sexual jokes to toher females. My current bf however, hes the total opposite. He doesnt need a ego boost non stop 24/7, and he doesnt flirt wth other girls. I feel secure with him. So i guess my question for you guys is, do you think it was fair of my bf to blame the jealousy i had on my insecurities or do u think since i dont have them with my new bf (who i trust so much) it was a trust issue with my ex?If you do think its to do with my inseucirites and not a trust issue then how do i prevent them from coming up again with my current bf? I really dont want to go through taht again.thanks for your help. p.s. im 18.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for the great advice :)
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 I would take both options into consideration. About ur previous bf if he was a flirt it was probably HIM in question.
When people know each other,love each other they trust also. Of course trust is not something given,it is SOmething we built up,and especially when we re enough mature and aware of the world corruptivness and have been around for a while,Scepticism and insecurity as one of its Forms is inevitable. So Dear, for building the trust it needs BOTH, as well as for any kind of connectictness.If one is missing it is necessary the other to feel it.Like mother and embrion.The embrion feels everything that mother feels, so it is with partners. I would say if somebody cannot feel that(ur insecure and have trust issues) and does nothing to prove the opposite it is not worth.
The relationships, friendhips are about the security, love and mutual understanding. Any short of it is not to be discussed as belonging in these categories. Thats my opinion.
And when this is gained, there would not be need of jealosy, at least not in great extent.
Ur previous bf definately didnt make u feel like this, i would just say try not to affect the raletionship with ur present One.
In life we have either reasons or results:)
Best of luck,
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