A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!Well, I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years now (October is our anniversary). Okay, the first thing that had angered me was that he pictures of two girls on his phone. He said I was overreacting and I should calm down so I took his word on it..Recently (early July), he had left to go to some church camp for four days (leave Wednesday- come back Saturday morning) I was hoping to see him on Tuesday but I couldn't and we rarely talked, he had decided to hang out with his friends from church plus his brother. I was mad but I eventually let it go, I mean, oh well I guess. Now, throughout the whole time over there, he literally could have texted me but chose not to. The reason I know this is because throughout the whole time his "best" friend that he supposedly is the 'only one' he talks, had kept sending me messages here and there revolving this game we like. The fact his own "best" friend that he "only" talked to (and I hardly knew) was textin me a lot more than my own boyfriend made me mad so when he came back i really did give him an awful attitude but I soon found myself being silly (and guilty) so I stopped. (I big factor was that he did apologize after I did explain to him that I was hurt about that.)Now, on Facebook, there was this video that was uploaded from his church and his older brother (whom i had as a friend) was tagged in it. I was curious to see the silly things they did and found out to see there was a picture of my boyfriend with his ex. I'm sorry but I am the jealous type so I was really sad or mad..(I'm not sure what I felt anymore) and the better of me got to me so i went to her face book. I looked through her pictures (she didn't have her profile private) and I saw more pictures of them two (the Ex and him) along with this other girl that he had a crush on before (the same one he had picture off in the phone) holdings hands as they were going to jump to the pool(though I guess the hold hands seems rather meaningless at this point but eh, it still bothered me). There was also another one of him, with another girl that I was never familiar with but with her they had their arms locked.I was sad and mat at this point. Besides that, he had added two girls (another ex of his and a girl who liked him --and he liked her--) who gave me such a hard time before we even went out and during our first months together.I know I can't restrict him from added them but I couldn't help but feel betrayed after I told him countless times that they talked so much mess about me and he never did anything about it...I just want to know if I'm completely overreacting? I mean, I may be but if there is no justification of my feelings at all and it is just pure jealousy?I have brought up the issue (the pictures on phone, the pictures of his trip. and the two adds) two him but all he says is that I'm overreacting and I'm just jealous. Clearly, with a tone of annoyance or that i'm just crazy.Though recently my cousin (who's having this dance celebration for her birthday) said that I'm dancing with this one guy as my partner. My boyfriend had my phone at the moment when she had texted me and read it. Not that I mind him reading it but he said angrily "go tell her to find you another partner or dance with Rigo[who is my guy cousin]". Which angered me a lot, but I'm such a pushover that I was actually considering it...Ahh, basically, any advise? I'm sorry if this doesn't seem like a problem but I would like to hear if some of my feelings were justified or if i'm just overly paranoid..After all, while he has had three exes, he's my first and only boyfriend so far..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 You are over-reacting. And he sounds like he is just like you, when he wants you to change partners for a dance. Don't change your partner for the dance. Dance with whomever you like, or even out of spite if you please, because he has no business telling you who to dance with.
When it comes to you... pictures on facebook, were they recent ones? Of course he has no business holding hands with girls while in a relationship with you. But if they were old pictures from before you and him.. you just need to let it go and stop looking at them. As for the pictures on his phone, unless they were nudes or only in underwear, don't be bothered by it. Unless, of course, he is showing some fanatic interest in one particular girl and keeps having tons of pics of her on his phone. That would be alarming. But two random girls, for whatever reason.. could be completely innocent.
As for the texting.. his friends was probably not aware that he was texting you more than your own boyfriend did. So you did over-react to that one. Im sorry to tell you so, but your boyfriend is not obliged to text you, and certainly there is no rule saying a boyfriend needs to text more than friends of him. In total during your relationship, I bet you your boyfriend has texted you tons more than this friend. Look at the big picture. Don't get hung up in what happens one day. And no, you do not know if he had plenty of time to text you, simply because his friend texted you. Why not be happy instead about the nice texts? Instead of using them as a weapon against your boyfriend? They are not a proof that your boyfriend is neglecting you, they are only proof of is friend wanting to text you.
All in all this just seems like several smaller instances, and more like you are looking for a problem that there actually being a problem. The only "bad" thing I see is that he added two people you don't like on facebook. But it was 2 years ago that they flirted.. or even more. Maybe it's time to burry the old jealousy feelings and let it go.
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