A
male
age
36-40,
*Sand
writes:hello, i am 22 years old. I had been in a relationshp with who is now my ex-fiance for 5 years; the problem is i got her pregnant and she is in a lot of credit card debt. I$ had explicitly warned her starting 2 years ago that she shouldn't incur much of her unecessary debt. Since my job was slow, i could barely keep up with my bills. She had to move to oregon so that she didn't have to pay rent at her moms and could work for about 6 months to pay off some bills, but with this bad economy she has had no luck finding work. I have been sending her an average of about $350 a month and i was expected to save up for rent for when she got back as well. We broke up over me not keeping with my financial obligations by not paying her credit cards. my question to you is: is it right for her to say that it is my responsibility to take up her credit card debt and to start paying off a loan for a car that her and her mom cosigned for since i got her pregnant all while expecting me to fully financially support the baby and save up for 100% rent in the ensuing months for when she was going to get back because she can't find a job? Also, have I fulfilled my responsibility given the circumstances by sending her $350 a month thus far and getting her a cell phone and service. Her expenses outside of her debt that she incurred are probably $100 a month (she is insured by the state and has food stamps). I am not complaining, just confused.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Hey, my baby boy is due April 3rd! Congrats man, it is the most amazing thing you will ever do! 1st, be sure to be at the hospital when baby is born, SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!! That automaticlly gives you rights There really is no such thing as "dad dosnt see the child" when it comes to court. As long as you are paying, you have rights. If she decides she dosnt want you to see the baby because you refuse to pay for her debts, let her know that no judge will enforce that. None. Look up "legal aid" in the govn. pages of your phone book to get help with an attorny, they will provide you with one. It is always good to try to come up with a visitation plan and child support plan with the mom before you do this, but if she gives you crap about her bills, get an attorny. Wow, keep in touch, it would be so cool if our kids were born on the same day!
A
male
reader, DSand +, writes (19 February 2009):
DSand is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNope, I definitely didn't charge anything on her cards. Actually, she charged things out on mine since hers were maxed out. I hate this. Now the next step is to figure out how to get rights to my child. He will be born on April 6. It's ironic how I have been paying child support while he is still in the womb. In the beginning I felt that there was obviously something wrong, but as time passed I feel like I being more pressured and my judgment of what was right and wrong became very cloudy...
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (19 February 2009):
If you feel like you should help pay for anything that you spent against her credit card, it would be a very moral thing to do. Get a credit card statement, highlight all your expenses, and pay that off, however, don't give her money for the damages done to her card on her behalf. It is not your responsability to buy her lipstick, clothes, nights out, rediculous impulse buys, etc. I don't expect hy husband to pay off my credit card bills, and he is my husband. It is my obligation to take care of that, not his, and we have 2 kids together, besides the one I had before we met. She sounds like a gold digger. Good thing you never married her;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): No pal, its not your responsibility to pay for her way in life. You pay support for your own child, anything else is her problem. A car loan? Credit card debts? What if she decides to get a mortgage, you cant possibly be thinking its your responsibility to pay for that too can you? Her debts are her problem, no court alive would tell you to pay for them.
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A
male
reader, DSand +, writes (19 February 2009):
DSand is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's refreshing to hear someone else tell me that. I had tried paying all I could of her cards as well. I was also wondering if it was considered my responsibility to pay her debts if we were in a relationship. Obviously I would help her out with her credit cards if I could, but is it right for her to expect me to work more than 40 hours a week to help pay for her credit cards while in a relationship? I have been so clouded with drama that I have started to doubt my senses.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (19 February 2009):
Wow, heavy. If yu are sending $350 a month for the child, that is sufficient. I have a child by a dead beat and I would be thrilled for my son if he recieved $350 a month! Your obligation is to your child, not her. If she were to call you and request help for something the child needed, or a medical bill for the child, you should help, but you are not responsible for her car, her rent, and anything else that is consideredher expenses, especially her credit card bills. It makes me upset, because my tax dollars are putting food in her mouth and cash in her wallet, and she has the nerve to ask for more than the childs share in help from you too?!!! You need to take her to court and get a judge to solidify a monthly child support payment. You'll see. Even a judge would laugh at her when they hear that she is expecting you to pay for HER responsabilities. It is the childs right to be taken care of by both parents, not her right. Good luck.
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