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anonymous
writes: I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years. Over the last two years she has preferred to spend about one third of her holiday time with her elderly parents instead of with me. I am never consulted about times so it has meant that I have had to go on holiday on my own with my two chidren.She also stated that she does not like being with my children, she has also mentioned that perhaps I would be better off with someone else who would accept them. She does not miss me even after two weeks. She is also very critical and I just cannot seem to do anything right.By complete contrast she is very affectionate and loving. I just do not understand what is going on here. I am feeling that perhaps she may be looking to end the relationship because of my children . Yet when we are together without the children she appears to be fine.Can anyone shed any light on this problem?
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 April 2005):
 She seems to be making her feelings pretty clear. I'm sorry to say I think your assessment of the situation is correct.She's told you that she doesn't like being with your children and that you'd be better off with someone who does. I think that's pretty succinct. In other words: You=Yes. You+kids=No.It looks like she likes you a great deal, but she isn't ready to accept you and your kids as a package. That could be because she doesn't want children, or because she's afraid that she's not an adequate parent, or because she thinks your kids are spoilt, or because she's not ready for an instant family, or because the children are proof of your previous relationship... or... Phew. It could be anything! The way that she's choosing to spend her holiday time - her at her parents' you with your children - makes that pretty clear.You really need to speak to her about the problem and get it pinned down "straight from the horse's mouth", so that there are no misunderstandings. Say what you've said here and ask her if what you suspect is true. It's hard to do that, I know, and it seems calculated and cold, but it's really the only way forward. If you don't, you're really feeling around in the dark, hoping to find a different answer than the one that seems to be in front of you.Good luck, whatever you do.
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