A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've always been a bigger woman and I've always wondered if it was a turn off to men. I'm overweight, nothing too drastic. I have bigger hips and thighs than the average normal weight person. This is the result from years of eating problems. I'm trying to work on myself and become healthier. But in the meantime, I'm a big person and I think it may be the reason I don't get a lot of attention from men.
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (2 June 2015):
YES...Men are turned off by ANY size woman who complains about how she looks and don't enjoy herself.
Do you know how many women I see that are beautiful, smart, sexy, and have a lot going for them, and they constantly talk about their size, they have to lose weight, they hate this or that about themselves...and guess what...I did not pay attention at first.
They point out their issues to me so much that I start seeing them the way they think they look.
Love yourself not matter your size. Be like a fruit...outside is just for looks, but your real sweetness is on the inside. :)))
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Firstly do you like yourself? There will always be someone who will find you attractive but the primary part is self acceptance.
Any relationship you have will be built on that foundation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I wonder how big exactly you are. How much are you overweight? I went to anew GYM recently, and you know how they are trying to sell you apersonal trainer by measuring your fat, weight and telling you how much weight you have to loose.,I am a 140b, 5.4. I am not a young girl but a woman in her early 40s who gave birth twice.,I am in great shape for my age. I am healthy, I regularly excersize , I dance, and walk a lot, and take all kind of classes. So, this 25 years old who was measuring me, she dared to tell me the following: don't give up, you can do it,you just need extra effort and persistence.,I looked at her and said: did you actually just tell me that I don't look great enough? Are you actually implying that you look better than me? She didnt now what to answer for a minute, but then repeated like a parrot: don't give up.,Don't give up on what? I asked her again. I am almost twice your age, I said, I want to see YOU in 20 years after having and raising your kids, how YOU are going to look. And I wish YU to look as great as I do. This is a perfect example on how society tells you howto feel about yourself and how to look. And to always seek approval of men. I lived a life of guys looking at me, they still do if i wear something extra sexy . I really don't care.,I don't value myself by how I am liked by men. Because all you see in magazins and on TV are skinny young women, this is the image most men have in their mind of beauty. That's why modern men of course are more attracted to skinny bodies, doesn't matter how little esthetic this body has.,I went yesterday to a hardware store with my husband. The re was this incredibly skinny girl ina very revealing dress. All guys were starring at her. She was not even pretty in my opinion, she had no boobs, no butt, no waiste. Her body was like this skinny rail. Her face was an ordinary face . She attracted attention only based on 2 facts: skinniness and skimpy clothes. The guy that you need is not going to be looking just for that, believe me. He will bellowing for someone to have for a girfriend not some someone who can attract attention of all the guys In a world. With that said taking care of yourself and eating right, and excersizing this is a very attractive quality, good luck with that.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 June 2015):
 Depends on the man. No joke, there are men out there for whom you wouldn't be big ENOUGH. There are some, yes, who would prefer you thinner. And meanwhile others see you walking down the street or into a store and wish like HECK they had a woman like you to go home to and love.
Eating better to be healthier is a great thing, but remember that confidence is one of the sexiest assets a woman can have. Don't believe me? Look at Tess Holliday or Meghan Trainor or Adele for examples of how loving yourself right where you are can bring truly great things into your life.
Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 June 2015):
Don't worry about the guys who aren't attracted to you. There are guys who like all types. When you're talking to a guy, assume he's attracted to you until you have a reason to think otherwise. And if that happens, don't be offended, just move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I guess there's a few questions I'd like to ask you.
Are you even interested in men who don't mind your extra-weight?
Do you only insist on going after hunks who are too conceited to be seen with a heavier female?
Some men are turned off by skinny women, slender women, chubby women, and some aren't attracted to women at all! You get to chose among many, until you find the one that is attracted to YOU! The fun of it is, you can search as long as it takes, or just give-up. Your choice.
Do you have an irrational need for the validation and acceptance from men who aren't attracted to you so badly; you insist all men accept you no matter what?
Sometimes people have a poor handle on reality. They get one or two rejections; and that means "everyone" will reject them. Some only go after people they don't have a snowball's chance in hell to get, and rationalize that means nobody wants them. You have to overcome your own prejudices about extra-weight, my dear! Don't put that all on men!
You cannot change the perceptions and feelings of the world to make you feel better. So you have to accept yourself.
If you're only interested in skinny or slim dudes; you raise the odds that they prefer smaller women. If you take little to no interest in huskier or heavier men, more similar to your own body-type; you're working against yourself. Trying to force men less likely to be attracted to you, to accept your extra-curvy figure. That's self-defeating and delusional. Sometimes the world is brutally honest. You have to live and be happy in spite of it. We all have that built-in power. Fewer these days seem to know how to tap into it.
I am not talking about shameless conceit or narcissism. I mean good old-fashioned self-made confidence, and a home-grown healthy self-esteem; that can sustain itself in spite of criticism, and unwarranted insults. Grow it, or live in misery. Life is tough. Time, reality, and experience will whip you into shape, my dear young woman! I mean "mentally!!!" Your mother didn't conceive you custom-made to order. She couldn't "check-off" the fat-gene, or return you for a better model.
You know, we do all we can to make people see the realities of life here. Some have body dysmorphic disorder; and that is a mental-condition. Any advice given from unlicensed nonprofessionals is offered in total futility. We can only comfort you with kind words; or we can be honest, and help you see the reality of your situation. That's what we try to do here.
People with extreme self-esteem issues have to learn to accept themselves; and no amount of advice or therapy helps until a person learns to accept who they are. If you cannot accept what genetics/nature gave you to deal with, you can either lose the weight; or learn to live with it.
Living your life demanding acceptance from men who aren't attracted to you, is running against the force of a hurricane. You are mature enough to know that there are men who are attracted to larger women. I can't believe you haven't walked outside your door, and seen average people together. One is often less attractive, or one is heavier in weight. Yet they found and love each other. That's because size and looks aren't the only thing people consider when they are attracted to each other. Look within your own family!
Every aunt and uncle can write volumes trying to convince people to love themselves first. Millenniums nowadays simply can't deal with "normal." They have warped media-fed perceptions of perfection; and false-notions of what beauty is, and what everyone wants. They worry about how they "look" to people; but we hardly get posts concerned about awful personality-flaws they have, that turn people off.
We all want the forbidden fruit...or else!
Well, let the aunts and uncles continue to feed you sympathy; if that's what you need. The truth is, you are who you are; and you will only be happy when you learn to accept yourself for who you are. With or without the help of therapy.
Doctors and therapists don't have answers that change mindsets and perceptions; they can only heal illnesses. They'll willingly take your money, but sooner or later; people learn that they have to accept their looks. You can go under a knife or get liposuction; but even that doesn't make people with a warped-perception of things much happier.
They are hurt from the inside, but worry to much about the outside.
Fix or improve what you can, it's YOU you're trying to convince that you're desirable. Not men. Truthfully, you wouldn't believe what some men are attracted to; and may not want to know!
You won't believe what anybody tells you. You'll punish yourself emotionally and physically, until you make yourself sick. You are placing yourself at the mercy of things you've created in your own imagination. Some learn better, and some don't.
Keep searching until you find someone who loves you for who you are, extra weight and all. You only have to worry about one man at a time. You don't have to worry about "men" in general. You're under twenty-five with a long life-journey ahead of you. How can you ask such a question? What do you see when you walk around in public? Nothing but men with skinny women?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): Wondering what people would say to a man who was larger may not be helpful because society and people in general are much harsher when judging a woman's appearance . Just look at your news broadcast . Nine times out of ten the women are young and thin and the med are middle aged or older and often overweight . The standards are completely different . Women's bodies are treated like a commodity in this world whilst men are treated like , welllll, people!The only answer is to not worry what men like and worry about feeling good in yourself . This is the only way to rise above it and be happy . Focus on what your body can do and the experinces it affords you rather than any visual pleasure it does it doesn't bring men . They really don't matter in all that . It's your life and your body , be happy Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 June 2015):
 Flip the question. Assume you were a guy who was always bigger and wanted to date. What do you think people you know would say? What do you think people you don't know would say?
So, now that we've thought about it from someone else's view, what do you know?
Well, what I know is that I do not know what every single man on this planet finds a turn off or a turn on. What I do know is that there are so many men and women with so many different interests, that to generalize that only one specific body time is correct, is a bit, well, nuts.
So, what do you do? You keep on focusing on health. You stop judging yourself based on some ideal you think is exemplified in the super skinny models of the magazines.
You're not getting a lot of attention from men because you think you don't deserve a lot of attention from men and have a negative view of yourself.
Where do your eating problems stem from? Are you dealing with those without judging yourself? Hm?
I know many big women who are happily in good relationships and marriages, with and without children. The thing that differentiates them from you is that they are happy in their skin. They may want to change their weight or their muscle tone but overall, they are accepting of themselves.
So, to answer your question, some men may be turned off by bigger women. Some men will be turned on by bigger women. Some men will be turned on by the woman they are with....
There is no one answer.
I'm an older woman (mid-50s).... should I ask about all men being attracted to women in my age group? Of course not all men will be attracted to women in my age group.
I think the reason you aren't finding that men are attracted to you is that you aren't comfortable and accepting of your body as it is today.
Yoga is awesome at getting people to be aware and accepting of their bodies, as well as stretching and strengthening the bodies we have.
There are some men on here who are stuck in an endless cycle of "I'm inexperienced, therefore no women will like me, until I'm experienced, but I can't be with a woman until I get some experience." They are stuck in a loop.
Please don't be stuck in a loop like that.
You are lovely just as you are and you need to take positive steps to affirm your health and your worthiness as a love partner.
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