A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancée and I have been engaged for 8 months, and are waiting 4 more months until we make it official because her parents are paying for a huge wedding in Cancun with 200 guests (only 20 guests are mine). This big wedding has started to show my fiancée true colors, now she has this crazy temper, and calls off the engagement but when she calms down, she tells me it's back on, no remorse, no sorry, she'll just act like it never happened. But 2 days ago, have me really thinking about ending it. I showed up a little late to pick out cake, because one of my kids (I'm a teacher) had a problem. When I showed up, she didn't yell, she just refused to talk, when the cake people would talk, and need answers, she just wouldn't talk. So I told her she needed to calm down, and that's when all hell broke loose. She was throwing things, yelling at the top of her lungs, hitting, kicking, and I'm a pretty tall person so must of the things she threw upwards grazed my face. That's when I decided that this thing was over. But yesterday, was our anniversary, and she bought me a very expensive watch that I asked for years ago, and it really has made me think that maybe she is trying. Then she said "our" wedding, something she has never said before. So now, I have decided that she is worth fighting for, and that I'm going to stick in there. But I can't help feeling that this isn't the right move. Should I move on?? Or is this normal behavior?Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2016): Her behavior is immature disrespectful embarrassing hurtful rude childish irrational crazy selfish...
I could keep going but you get the idea. It will only get worse once you say I do. End it now.
Sorry that you're going through this. You know what you have to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): I wouldn't want to go to a wedding with a bride like this, let alone; marry one like this.
I would have to do lot's of overtime coming home to this behaviour for the rest of my life, at the slightest hitch.
Marry at your peril :)
It's Your Funeral!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): Buying you a gift doesn't show she is trying. She is abusing you. That is domestic violence and you shouldn't stay in thay situation as much as a female should stay with a psycho hubby either!Do not marry this woman, and if you want to work on the relationship then cancel the wedding until she can take up some anger management and relationship counselling. She is out if order and sounds like she needs help for these outbursts. This is not normal behaviour and you shouldn't be subjected to such abuse. She needs to get a grip that your job does not allow you the freedom.o an office job, you can't just clock off work at a set time. She also needs to understand that buying you something doesn't mean she is forgiven. She can't just buy your forgiveness and say it's "our" wedding and that's it - things are back to normal. You need to show you are serious by telling her you are seriously consideron ending the relationship because you did not realise you would be marrying a volatlie, violent woman. Talk to her calmly about everything she has done and how it made you feel and that you know you deserve better than this. She needs to talk to you if things are upsetting her and his is where relationship counselling may help as she will learn how to function properly with you. If her parents are stressing her out by doing this big wedding then she must talk to you about her feelings. If they have taken over and she is not happy then she needs to stand up to her parents or refuse their financial help and if you two pay for the wedding yourselves it is up to you two what you do. Whatever happens, do not let slide how she has behaved and speak to her about it. I would decline the watch until you two are on better terms.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 January 2016):
 I second the give her back the watch advice.OP, she is not 'trying'. There is no 'trying' when it comes to not abusing others. When you marry you take a vow for better or for worse. Is this the 'worse' you're prepared to live with for the rest of your life? Will this be good enough for your future children, if you plan to have any? This relationship is going to end eventually. Is this the woman you want to be in a child custody battle with?Be thankful she's shown you who she really is. Your fiancé is wildly and potentially dangerously unstable. This is not simply stress, but a serious character flaw. Give her back the watch and get as far away from her as quickly as possible. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2016):
 YIKES!!
I get that some brides get nerves and a bit crazy because they think having a perfect wedding means a perfect marriage. But she is beyond that!
She threw a fit in front of the cake people? If so, there is something seriously wrong here. And I'm sorry... and expensive watch does not make up for her being abusive and YES just because she is physically smaller than you... doesn't mean she isn't abusive. I agree with WiseOwlE - the watch was a bribe, and well.. IT WORKED!
You think once the ring in on her finger she will be "normal" and compliant again?
If you intend to go ahead with the marriage at LEAST take your head out of the sand and sit he down and talk some boundaries and inappropriate behavior rules.
I think... and I'm going to be blunt here... that you are actual MORE nuts for not breaking it off than she is. AND she is off her rocker.
Good luck, you are going to need it. I can't even begin to imagine what she will do once she has kids....
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 January 2016):
 I think you said it best yourself when you stated that you're starting to see her true colors. You have been dating the best foot she put forward to impress you. Now that she thinks you're in the bag, so to speak, there's less pressure to keep that act up.
Love is hard work, marriage is hard work, and I can guarantee you will have tougher times to make it through together with her (if you choose to go through with this) than being a few minutes late to picking a wedding cake. You've just gotten a really important preview of how she handles stress, and it's not pretty. My dad is like this; unfortunately, my mom didn't get the chance to see it before their wedding day. She regrets the marriage, and has privately admitted as much.
Faced with doubt this substantial, the LAST thing you should do at this point is make things forever with this woman. This is your life, too, and you only get one, so don't let the fact that her parents are paying for an extravagant wedding trap you into a decision you'll spend the rest of your life unhappy with. The fault isn't yours for second-guessing this; it's their daughter's for failing to be a mature and respectful adult (and probably theirs too, for raising her that way.)
You can try premarital counseling with her, but the temper tantrums honestly sound like more of a personality disorder than a passing phase. I agree with WiseOwl - proceed with caution!
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): Nerves are normal. Tantrums are not!!!
Your bridezilla seems a bit bipolar, if nothing else! I think you better weigh this whole thing carefully. Once you tie the knot, you can't just back-out. An expensive watch was only a bribe; because she realized she behaved like a
crazy lady.
Hitting, yelling, and kicking?!!! Seriously?!! You'd consider marrying someone like that? What did the cake people think? Well...they've surely seen this nutty stuff before.
Dude, you had better think this out out long and hard. Not be pressured because her parents are spending bucket-loads of cash to marry that dingbat off.
You're on a teacher's salary; while her parents are footing the bill to accommodate a huge wedding with 200 guests? In Cancun!!! How will you maintain her lifestyle? She sounds tremendously spoiled!
Buddy, think long and hard!
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