A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks and I really like him, I am not sure how long to wait before we should start taking things further because I don't want to come across as being easy, at the moment we have just kissed. I kno there is no set rule, he is wanting things to move on and so am I but lie I said I don't want to appear as being easy. Ae guys ok with just kissing and then maybe oral or does oral then mean/lead to sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): You asked if oral sex would be OK if you did not want to have sexual intercourse.
Here is the deal. Oral sex is sex. Oral sex is often seen as foreplay which leads to intercourse. Oral sex given to a man without you getting oral sex is return is "servicing" a man.
I think a lot of women would feel degraded by "servicing" a man. And if she doesn't want to appear easy, then waiting to have any type of sex would be the thing to do.
That doesn't mean you can't be sexual with a guy. There are deep kisses and fondling and even bare breasts and laying on top of each other getting used to each other's bodies before you ever go a step further that can and do happen before oral sex or intercourse ever takes place.
If you really want to find out what a man's intentions are then give him 90 days to prove that he is really into you before you become sexually intimate would give you time to know whether or not he is the guy for you. Every one is on their best behavior in the beginning and if he has been on the job less than 90 days you know very little about him as a man or what type of boyfriend he would be to you.
So waiting is smart, not being easy isn't the issue, it is giving yourself time to make a decision without having sex cloud your judgement as all that can make you forget what it is you really want from a relationship. Also, sex first makes for a weak foundation and often the relationship falters because true friendship does not exist.
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 It's different depending on the guy. In my experience (and this is just personal experience, not scientific fact, haha), oral almost always leads to sex.
My advice would be, if you're not ready to have sex with him yet, you might want to steer away from oral as well. There's nothing worse than getting a guy totally turned on (or yourself, for that matter), and having to say no. It's very taunting for the other person sometimes.
Now before I get lynched, don't get me wrong, NO MEANS NO and if he's not ok with that then to hell with him. But if you KNOW that you're not going to have sex with him, it may be best not to indule in anything more than kissing until you're ready. It's just safer for you that way.
On that note, if you both have been blessed with remarkable self-control...then go nuts. :)
masq
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