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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am a very conscientious person and as a result I tend to over analyse and think my way out of things. when it comes to getting to know a guy I tend to hold back at first and observe his behaviour and actions rather than (like many women) pounce and get their claws in him before anyone else does and I envy this as I feel that they enjoy life and live for the moment. My approach concerns me as by the time I have figured the guy out someone else has him. I try to convince myself that this is the best approach to find a good guy, as I am not intensely attractive and it is normally my personality that wins people over. Part of me thinks that it is the guys job to be proactive, as I have read many times on this site that a guy knows whether he wants a woman instantly, and I guess I hope that a guy would put me out of my despair and intervene early in the courtship but it never happens. Will a guy go away and think about pursuing a women or will he express his interest there and then ? And do I need to change my approach? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (14 August 2012):
 Never try to convince anyone to like you. This is always a one sided battle. I've tried this several times and it never works. The only time it yielded results was when they thought they could use me for money. If they aren't willing to put some effort into winning you over then it's goin to always be you calling them, saying sorry and feeling alone.
It takes two people to believe a relationship will work, not one trying to convince the other one that you're good enough. I wish you luck in finding your Special guy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2012):
 No, I wouldn't try and "convince" someone that they should WANT me.
You know the saying, you can drag a horse to water, but you can't make it drink? Same goes for relationship.
I don't think there is anything wrong in having a type, but it's about finding someone who wants YOU for you. And who WANTS you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, I have noted the effects and importance of lust and flirting. The reason I ask is because I am attracted to men who have physical attributes opposite to mine, as I am an overweight, black female who is attracted to slim white men. Stereotypes are often used which I acknowledge, therefore I tend to test the waters first with my personality, so when I am rejected or overlooked can I put it down to the fact that they are not attracted to me or that they need convincing that I may be a potential partner?
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (13 August 2012):
Don't do the mistake MANY girls do and not show any interest. Girls seem to think that it's always the guy's responsibility to make all the first moves. I usually hate it when a girl will wait for me to show interest before she reciprocate.
My first gf did this by constantly staring at me when I came by her department. I was still too dense at the age of 19 so I never caught on until I happen to mention that I thought her eyes were beautiful. We got together shortly after that and she confessed that she had liked me for over three months before I started talking to her.
I notice a lot of girls waiting for the guys to notice them instead of making a move for him. THAT'S why other girls get him before you do. Sure, rejection sucks, I would know, but nothing is worse than feeling regret when you miss your a potential oppurtunity. Flirt with the guy you like. show your smile to let him know you enjoy his company. wave when he passes by. When he's with his friend, give him an intent look that says "Yes, I notice you." These are all good ways to show your interest. They're subtle enough that you won't feel embarassed if nothing evolves and they're obvious signs to the person you like.
Also, I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in LUST at first sight, though. I see many girls who I instantly have a physical attraction to but love usually doesn't come until later if at all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2012):
I don't think anyone knows instantly if they want to be with someone or not. Lust can be rather instantaneous, but that is just lust.
I think if your current approach isn't working for you, you might want to try and change it up. Letting a guy know that you are interested is NOT sinking your claws into him. I'm kind of assuming that you have been "friend-zoned" a few times? And that can simply be because the guy didn't get ANY indication from you that you were interested so he moved on.
However, I wouldn't do a 180. Be who you are and you will find a guy who can appreciate you for you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Mens' interest spans - vis a vis cute girls - is measured in NANOSECONDS.....
We are NOT the most introspective of creatures.
What we look for is a sliver of interest on your part (for example, being within 50 feet of us constitutes "interest") ... then, all the rest of our mental energies are spent trying to figure out how to get you in to bed....
Hope this helps.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2012):
 they don't know INSTANTLY... but when they know they will move forward in making it happen if they are not too immature or shy...
IF you like a guy you should give out signals so he knows it.
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