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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: dear agony aunt, i have recently started going out with a boy i have been really good friends with for over two years. he became friends with some of my girl friends as a result and started going out with one of them for a while seven months ago. they split up a month later but she claimed she was still in love with him but he didnt feel the same. a month ago we both admitted we has strong feelings for each other, i love him and he says he loves me. before we did anything i asked my friend (his ex) if i could be with him. she cried and was very upset but eventually realised how strongly we feel about each other. but then my other friends found out and have stopped speaking to me even though im still great friends with his ex. they have said to me that i am a horrible person for doing this to my friend and that i am only being friends with her out of guilt. i honestly am her friend and although i am more concerned bout her these days it is more to make sure she is not hurting inside bout the situation. the other girls are really getting me down, i feel so abandoned. have i done wrong in finally admitting my true feelings for my boyfriend (everything has been perfect so far) or are friends more important? i am so so confused, please help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much dr pete, i really needed someone to help me get over these feelings of guilt, someone external to the situation. Your words were very wise. Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): For your situation I would suggest it is just the kind of friends you have. It sounds like your friends haven't really understood you in this particular situation.
Things often happen to all of us, sooner or later, that causes our friends, or even causes us to react to our own friends when something unexpected happens, e.g. someone dates someone "inappropriate" or there is some kind of dispute going on within the circle of friends.
My advice to you would be to hold on to the friends who have stuck by you, and drop the ones who have accused you of being the things you're not. You don't need friends like that.
Friends generally should be able to give you their opinion on any thing (if you want it, that is) but they can't really judge you, or put you down, because that is not what friends are there for. That is what friendship is to me, any way. If a friend messes up, perhaps I'll tell them that perhaps they could have done it a different way, or perhaps I won't say any thing at all. I certainly wouldn't put them down.
If someone is treating you in this bad way, then they are not your friend, simple as. They are just an "acquaintance"
I think the question title is a little confusing and something seperate, as the answer to this would simply be, it depends on the individual. Some people enter relationships where their other half is their potential life-long partner. If this true, then of course your friends arn't more important to you, your relationship wouldn't get very far if your priorities were with your friends. If you are younger (which - i imagine the person who wrote the answer below me is) then dating is more about just having a boyfriend or girlfriend, and, generally speaking, your friends are more likely to be around longer than your boy/girlfriend is, hense the crude "friends are forever boys are whatever" phrase.
Do what feels right for you, and your boyfriend. You will be able to tell who your friends are because they are the ones that will support you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): well...friends are forever boys are whatever but ur friends are supposed to stick by u with everything you do and if ur friends cant accept ur boyfrind then leave them 4 abit and let them think they will soon realise how different it is without u,but thats wat i wud do if i was in that situation. xXx
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