A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm asking because I see so many people who don't seem to fear anything. They are at easy with every situation, they don't put much effort into whether things go the right or the wrong way. When it comes to serious stuff, they just do what they have to do and that's that. They go back to their "not giving a damn" life.Are they happy about this? Do they feel comfortable being like this? I'm more of an insecure person and I tend to over worry about quite any thing and I care about every little detail. I've been educated to give a damn, because others might think I'm careless and I don't give a damn about their problems. I've grown up as frustrated person, trying to solve things in my life according to other people's standards. If I simply try to ignore something, I'm told I'm being selfish. When I also try to end a polemic based convo, I'm told I run from responsibilities. When I feel happy about something and I see that everything goes the way I planned, I think it's too good to be true and I know it won't last forever, so I start to feel miserable again and worry about it... I want to change my life, I don't want to think too much over things, I want to refrain from over analyzing every inch of my existence. I need a few suggestions on how I could make my life brighter and change my ways of thinking. I know it can't be done over night, but any ideas are appreciated.Thank you!
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female
reader, Prettyugly +, writes (19 September 2014):
I was the same way, well inside, but here is a quote that changed my life...
"Life is full of suffering, our wishes and desires causes our suffering, let go of the desire and you will find Nirvana" hopefully this helps, so far it has helped me since I was a too caring person
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionstrongfp-- Yeah, maybe I am afraid of change indeed. So I'll just have to let it go away by itself, right? Your answers helped me understand these things from other points of view as well.
Thank you once again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your answers.
strongfp-- "A prime example is myself, I never drank till I was 20, but when I went away on a trip down to Antigua, and I was around grad students getting drunk everynight, I just thought hey why not? " - Well, I've been told to just go with the flow in such situations and just enjoy myself, because life is short and full of surprises and I'm young and I'm gonna miss these days. But I'm just not brave nor confident enough to say "hey, why not?" and just do something about it.
And yeah, you're right, stress is part of our lives, we have to deal with it.
BrownWolf-- I'm not talking about reckless people, people who do things and regret later. I refer to careless people as in people who don't get worried about things easily and they're able to see the big picture. I think they're confident people, because most of them know what are their duties and have a clear plan of priorities. The little details aren't important for them. Unlike me, or people like me, who like to analyze and put in the balance every irrelevant detail.
The last thing I want to say is that because of this I have a very low self-esteem, and I feel the need to do things right just to be accepted and praised. I know it sucks, I just wish I wasn't so uptight. Or maybe I'm just not mature enough to take life as it is, with its good and bad sides.
I should be happy that I'm healthy, I have a place to live, a kick start to my career, I have a few people who care about me, but for some reason, I just can't see the forest for the trees.
Anyway, thank you for your ideas. It's very interesting to hear about your perspectives towards life and several opinions. I know life is about making choices - you choose to be happy or you choose to look for negative meaning in every thing you do. I'm too scared to chose to be completely happy because I have bottled up the idea that it doesn't last long.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Not giving a damn what all but your closest friends & family think of you is the greatest feeling in the world in my opinion. I'm a massive over-thinker but when I realize I'm worrying about something stupid, someones opinion of me or something I can't change I give myself 30 seconds to think about it... I click my fingers once and then force myself to think about something else. It sounds silly, hell, it probably looks even sillier to anyone who sees me randomly click, but it really helps me.
Time spent worrying is time wasted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you.
I used to do that when I was a kid - writing my thoughts in a diary, I used to be like that too, careless, free-spirited, self-confident. And I liked to keep a diary, to read it everytime I feel the need to remember events in my life.
My problem is that lately I feel too stressed out, my life changed, I am forced by circumstances to live with a person who puts me down with everything - it's a relative of mine. I can't afford to go live somewhere else, because I'm in college, away from my hometown and that person I live with has a house in the same city as my college. I should consider myself lucky about this - I'm not paying rent, just the utilities, it's a big comfortable house. But we can't get along at all, so yeah, in life you can't have everything.
We usually fight over small things, such as what I said a few weeks ago, a joke I made and she took it seriously and personally, why haven't I told her where I'm going etc. She's 2 years older than me, and she was always nosy when it came to my personal issues.
I keep being accused of things a normal person would find average and common. For instance, I have a boyfriend, I go out with him, he's the most kind, gentle, caring, loving guy in the world (we've been a couple for 14 months). She thinks I'm a slut and I go out with him just to get laid (I'm still virgin and I want to keep it this way until we're married). I often made kinky jokes around her (this person I live with) and she joined me and we laughed together. Now she's using them against me, to argument her statements that I actually like to get laid. I told her that I'm a virgin but she doesn't believe it. So why would I bang my head against the walls to convince her about something she will never believe? OK if I get laid, then WHAT? Isn't this a normal thing nowadays? Most people do it. And don't tell me she's caring & such, because I personally think she's got too much time and she keeps accusing others of things they've never done or said.
Anyway, I've never had individuality, never had my own room, I had to share it with my cousin. My personal things were.. well, OUR personal things. Now, looking back then, I realize that I haven't got over these past things.
My mother is worried that, since I'm far from home, I might be lying dead somewhere, if she calls me and I can't pick the phone up right in that moment.
If I wear some colored blouses, she's asking me what will people say when they see me walking down the street like this. It's a decent outfit, but if she doesn't like it, she thinks that nobody will. So this is about WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME, it's about my image in front of them. I've been taught to dress, act, talk, eat, walk, laugh, breath even according to others' standards and that no matter what I do, I must please others and make them feel comfortable. I must not be honest with them because they can get offended or I might hurt their feelings. If I don't like something, I must not refuse, so I don't get to be labeled as an impolite person. I like it or not, I must accept something I'm offered. That's what I've been taught.
I'm surrounded by this kind of people, people who judge every step I take. Every measly detail is being carefully checked under the magnifying glass. So how can I not pay attention to it? The way I dress, the way I talk, intonation etc. I don't have friends mostly because I've become introverted and picky when it comes to trysting people. So not only I'm insecure, but I'm paranoid too, I've learn that people must not be trusted.
And finally, I know I have flaws, but like any other person, I have good parts too. But I can't focus on them, I can't focus on my good parts and improve them. I keep on taking my frustrations on the others. I wish there was something that can make me forget about this. I know it's sickening...
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 September 2010):
You heard the saying"look before you leap". Who ever does not think about what they are about to do, and just be careless and leap...they will pay for it later.
Wise people question there own actions before they question others. Fools do not question there own action, but love the foolish things they see other people do...and the even have a say for it "That's so cool".
Don't change the way you think, be around others that think like you, those who care about doing the right things.
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