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female
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*osesAreDead13
writes: My boyfriend has become very controlling in the last 9 months. He tells me I cant hang out with other guys and yells at me when I spend the night talking on the phone to them. He says he's just greedy, but its like he doesnt trust me. I've tried to explain to him that I need some freedom and that I like talking to these guys, and that they're merely friends- but he doesnt even try to listen. A few days ago I told him that I wasnt going to put up with him acting like that all summer; so I told him I was going to talk to whoever I wanted and he'd either have to get over it or break up with me. We're still together, but im unhappy. I really like this guy so I want us to stay together, but I dont know if all the fights and hurt feelings are worth it. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 If he is being that controlling now, it can only get worse. If he doesnt trust you then whats the point. He should let you have your friends and be cool with it. He cant control everything you do in your life, he has to understand that you have friends too and you cant cut them out of your life just because you have a boyfriend. If you are that unhappy then you need to think what YOU want, theres no point staying if you feel this controlled and unable to be yourself. Hes trying to take away your indiviuality and we all need that to make us US! If he cant understand that you are your own person then the relationship wont succeed. You have to let him know that you cant carry on like this as its hurting you and that unless he can calm it about in the controlling front then you are going to have to part ways. You have to make sure you are happy, if your not it can only fester for longer and make you more unhappy.
take care
x
A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (9 June 2006):
Hi there...sounds like youre going through a tough time. When you say he has become controlling in the last 9 months I take it that you have been together for longer than this? I would also assume that he wasnt like this at the outset. Alas, people change, honeymoons end, etc. If possible have a look at his family envirnoment - is his father the dominant member of the house? Has something happened to shake his confidence or self esteem in the last year? Have a long face-to-face - its great that you asserted yourself but if you are really interested in the relationship try to delve under the surface and see what you can find, maybe there is something he needs to deal with and with your help we can both move on to a more fulfilling partnership..or maybe this is just how he is and it has taken until now to surface - in which case I would have to say no, its rarely worth the fights and hurt feelings. Best of luck!
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