A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, help please. I'm married to a really nice man. Up until now he has worked really long shifts and we only got to see each other for a very short time every day, (just about half an hour) and then he had one day a week off, which was a really nice day. Because we had so little time together, when we did have time it always felt special, we had plenty to chat about cus we had to get everything out in that short time. BUT he's now changed jobs, he's coming home every evening and has a day off too, and I can't cope with it !!!! I did live alone for 5 years and got used to my own space, which is why I was quite happy to have the relationship we had cus I still got to have my own space, but for me the real problem is HE'S QUITE BORING when I'm around him for longer than that time. He's very quiet, doesn't make much conversation other than how was your day - and then doesn't follow up when I answer, and I find it so wierd. It seems we just don't have much to talk about, which never mattered before cus we never had the time to talk, but now we do there are these dreadful silences which make me feel so awkward - in my own home !!!! Feels crazy. My ex husband and I never had this problem. We could always find stuff to talk about, even after 30 years, but I'm wondering if this is normal? Are all relationships this boring when there's amore time? I go out a lot in the evenings and am very busy in the day, but he's not particularly interested in that, and his work is not exactly stimulating to talk about. Help !!! Where do I go from here? I find myself blaming myself - if I was a bit more interesting maybe he'd find me so, but I know I'm not boring, I do loads, have loads of friends and interests. Or is it that I just don't like him in my space after I got used to having it to myself? Any suggestions would be sooooooo welcome. Thanks. I'm really worried, can't see this lasting if it goes on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah you are both right. We do need to lighten up - he can be very serious, especially when his programme is on TV, and then its veeeeeery difficult to get his attention, but yes we do need to communicate about everything. He's great talking about problems, and wanting to know whats going on that way, but because he works such long hours, even now he does 6a.m.-7pm, and he's foreign too, he has no hobbies or interests, which makes him kind of a dull boy. He does play the sitar, and really enjoys anything to do with that - and I've bought him a new one for a present, I've bought him the music book to learn, I listen and encourage him even when it sounds bad, but beyond that, there's zilch. You are also right about the counselling. He is going for some first because he has some ocds, and then our doctor suggesgted we go see a mixed marriage counsellor, and I think she's right. We need someone else to help us both through this. Its not the only area we are stuck in, but that is the area that makes me feel most uncomfortable. Thanks for your advice ladies. As for making him feel young again - he is the youngster in this relationship, but he acts like the old man :))))). He tells me I'm the youngest, and it actually feels true. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, bobalu  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Try to start and having alittle fun with him, like play around with him. Pinch his butt everynow and then. From my experience guys talk way more wen they are happy, so yeah try to get him in a good mood. Make him feel sexy hahahaha XP, I'm serious though. Just try it and see wat happens, try to make him feel young again good luck =)
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