A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Are guys really vain? I'm an insecure female and I have from what most men say and ideal face and body and I get complimented a lot- I don't share a lot of myself with the men I've been because it takes time - they also have been really bad men- my question is - do I care about looks? Yes and no - I fall for personality and i try to see the best in a person - I've noticed men and social media has skyrocketed and even though I can be like those lingerie models online - inside I wonder if a man will fall in love with my interior. Does this happen? Is it ever always about looks? Can men see beyond the artificial looks and glitz and glam?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): Maybe I'm seeing it from a completely different view point. I think there's two kinds of pretty. There's ladies who have all the best features to play with and then there's ladies who are pretty because they take pride in themselves and carry themselves a certain way etc. It reminds me of the counter stereotype that all women want wealthy men who can support them. Not always true of course, but at the same time it is attractive it's nice to see a guy investing in the family life and who has a good brain. It's not going to draw good men to wear low cut shirts, that draws pigs. Smiling and not having a chip on your shoulder draws good men.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): You're in your 30's and I think you're mature enough to know better than to ask such a sexist question. Demeaning all men for your experiences is unfair. Sweetheart, I know this all comes from frustration. Just don't allow it to embitter you in such a way.
By and large, due to social media and the beauty industry; looks are held in highest esteem, and part of an agenda by big-business to brainwash the masses in order to make money. People are constantly saturated with ads that place too much emphasis on looks and youth; not enough on character and personality. Then there's common-sense. You can be ruled by the hype, or you can have your own personal-outlook and form your own opinions based on your intellect and experience. Not what you're fed through movies, TV, commercials, and magazines.
Don't believe online profiles. They are biased self-assessments. Embellished and enhanced in order to to seduce and deceive. Women are equally as guilty of it as men.
The men you let into your life are your choices, and based on your own tastes and criteria. You're no victim. You are responsible for the selection of male-attributes you want and like in and about men. If you see your looks as your greatest asset; then that's what you present to them; and base all your self-worth upon. What you catch sometimes depends on the bait you use, and where you fish.
Judging men harshly only forces you to reap what you sow. You think lowly of us, we think less of you. Your self-esteem is completely in your hands, and belongs to nobody else. Our beliefs are projected through our demeanor, attitude, and the vibe we send out as signals to others.
We are judged by what we present of ourselves to others, and vice versa. We should see our own faults, before we pick others apart. Point one finger and three point back.
How you view yourself counts; and it will influence how you connect and relate to others. Regardless of gender.
Beauty is not all there is to offer. Your personality is your greatest asset, and it is what will lead you to the right man.
Finding your match is a process of selection and elimination. It is also a learning process. If you fail again and again in your process of selection; it's more about you than men. You are yourself choosing them by looks, and not enough by character. You claim you don't, but your repeated results say otherwise.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 It is inherently unfair to classify "ALL" men or women for that matter into specific "group-think" categories ergo, it's a false narrative to assume all men are vain or the unasked question is more likely, Is there a man out there that will see me for what I am rather than just my appearance? The answer is obviously "Yes!" Superficial beauty is just that(outer beauty) I know as for me. I can look at the "classic" beauty and appreciate the natural beauty but always look at the eyes to see into the soul before making any judgements. I've seen beautiful women in my many years on this earth that make me sick to my stomach once I get to know their soul. The converse is also true and you thereby end up with some strange pairs. Judged purely on outward appearances The king and queen of the Kings and Queens of the high school proms everywhere should not end up in divorce and yet they sometimes do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2017):
 I agree with Denizen.
It's HARDLY that men can't see past the pretty faces - if that was so no "less than pretty" woman would get to have a partner.
Maybe instead of judging the guys, take a good look at the kind of guy YOU seem to pursue. If they were "bad guys" in the past then maybe you need to readjust your standards.
Being pretty CAN give you WAY more options than the average looking girl but not if your personality doesn't shine through.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 I used to watch this reality show called, "Dating in the dark". The premise that people would date in the dark (without knowing what the other person looks like). In the end they would choose one partner and then the big reveal to see what each other looked like.
In most cases if not all, the women proved themselves to be very vain. All the guys went for connection. They would say that the woman was physically not his type, but they got along so well, he was willing to give her a chance. In one case the woman was drop dead gorgeous, but because her values did not match his, he chose not be continue with her. No matter how well a woman connected with a guy in the dark, if he was not her type physically, she chose not to be with him.
So to answer your question, No, I don't think all men are vain.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 I think everyone gets judged initially on looks, men and women. It's the first thing people notice about another person. It takes time to get to know them as people. I do feel there is an element of truth in the viewpoint that people who are 'ordinary' looking probably end up in stronger relationships because they will be based on true love of the person in the whole. For strikingly attractive people the looks always get in the way and can attract people who put looks ahead of personality. But not all men are like that, some realise that happiness is about deeper things than physical appearance, you just haven't met the right person for you yet.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I think I am married to the best woman in the world, the other men that ever dated her saw things in her I did not and the many men that did not even give her a second look for what reason I don't know or care, some men might like blond hair but I think all the men that like blond hair need to see more in the woman that just her hair, the same can be said for any other part of the body, legs, boobs big or not so big or even the small things like blue eyes, Even the men that end up with a model see more in her than just her looks, It is an insult to good looking women to think that the only thing they can bring to a relationship is her looks, most supermodels are very bright and run their career themselves I think we need to get away from men v women, Too MANY BOOKS have being sold on the idea that men and women are so different, I think we are more alike than we like to think
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Considering most women are NOT like lingerie models I think, as the human race continues to multiply, with consideration, you must draw the conclusion that men don't just go for looks.
Of course we always appreciate it if our partners look after themselves, as women must if their men keep themselves healthy and in shape.
When you spend years with someone the veneer of beauty quickly becomes obvious.
Your choice of, 'Bad men', as you say, might suggest that you have not been looking for the inner qualities in your partner. Would you agree?
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