A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm a twenty five year old male with a bit of a sexual problem. I am experiencing extreme problem with anorgasmia any time I am actually lucky enough to get with a girl. I have no problem getting erect and having penetrative sex but then after a while I just lose feeling and lose interest and it fades. It's really denting my confidence. I think it's nearly all mental as I am constantly worrying about not being good or not feeling anything, it's even a challenge to cum with a blowjobs which never used to be a problem with any of my ex girlfriends, but on one night stands or with any new girl I just find it really difficult to cum. It causes problems because I'm sure it dents their confidence as well. Anyone have any experience of this or advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Well, I have experience the female version of it. VERY aggravating. In my case it was due to a combination of depression and anti depressants. One of the rare side effects was anorgasmia.
If you can, see a doctor, ideally a urologist that specializes in male sexual function. You may be able to get a prescription or advice to help you get over that edge.
The best advice I can give you is that you are open with your gf and let her know that you have this sensitivity issue. Lovers need to know that your situation is not a reflection on them. She might feel rejected,unsexy, or a bit of a sexual failure if she can not get you to the big O.
You could also use something like a lubricant gel that creates a different sensation...train your brain to recognize different signals.
If you are able to reach orgasm by yourself, but not with a partner, then you are probably right that the issue is mental. One way to overcome it, is to have your partner watch you self-pleasure, teaching them HOW to touch you.
If you are only able to climax with porn, then you need to desensitize yourself to needing it and slowing retroduce yourself to sensual touch with your gf.
Touch just to feel good, not to climax. Talk about this before hand..the freedom to not worry if you do or dont, just to touch and touch her for the pure enjoyment of it. Do not see orgasm as the goal. Many couples find this reprograms them to enjoy intimacy, to relax and enjoy the sensations building instead of tensing up.
A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Well anorgasmia can be a troubling, annoying condition. But I think that it's all mental. But you should still see a doctor (like a urologist), just to make sure there are no physical reasons for your problem.
Now... I believe the problem is you have performance anxiety. The reason I believe you had no problems in the sex department when you had previous girlfriends, is the repetition...and you knew what to expect- and so did they. That made you feel a bit more comfortable in your performance. When you're with a new girl(especially if it's a one-night stand), you become overly anxious- worrying about how you'll do- and then ultimately you'll lose focus. You may want to try some breathing techniques, psyche yourself up (like telling yourself that you've done well in the past and you'll do just fine this time), and engage in more foreplay. If you satisfy/please the woman first..and potentially making her have an orgasm, you'll feel less worried about yourself- because you've made her enjoy the experience already. :^)
But just try to relax, I'm sure you'll be o.k.
Hope this helps!
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