A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance for over 2 years now. early in the relationship we had a great sex life, we were averaging twice a day. over the last six months there has hardly been anything. We have had sex once in the last three months. That's not even the problem. She kisses me, but not like anyone interested in me. a quick pec on the lips or the cheek is all I ever get.I know that she has been under alot of stress, I've tried hard to relax her. She comes to spend the night and I play her favorite music and give her full body massages. I never suggest we do anything afterward. I've never done it expecting to get anything out of it.She's always enjoyed my efforts to help her unwind, or has seemed to. but last night she admitted that she feels like I'm pressuring her for sex. She even admitted that the last time we had sex it was because she felt sorry for me. This really hurt as she told me afterward how much she felt she needed it, and that she had even woke me up for it. :-(.I've tried to talk to her about it, as I feel like it's causing problems in other areas of our relationship. Alot of my self confidence has been shattered. I'm also finding I'm having less and less of a desire for physical contact with her. I've always approached her by telling her how I felt, never, that I think we need to have sex again, but that it's an area we need to work on.No I learn that when I talk about the subject she feels like I'm trying to pressure her to feel sexual.She tells me how she masterbates everynight, sometimes when she spends the night she masterbates while she lays next to me, but is never interested in me when she does. I find that hurts so much that it makes me cry.On the one hand I feel like I really should end the relationship somehow. I feel like not right now, but probably soon. Before the wedding planning get's too far along, but after the relationship has deteriorated more. I don't want her to feel like I'm dumping her just because we don't have a sex life, which I know is how she'll feel. I feel like the bigger problem, is not so much that we don't have a sex life, but that we can't even talk about why we don't. Any other problems in our relationship we've had, we've always been able to talk about. but now our sex life is taboo.does anyone have any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): If she isn't interested and won't even talk about it then the situation sounds quite hopeless. Ask her WHY she doensn't desire you anymore and if she doesn't know then A) she is lying or B) she should find out. I don't know isn't acceptable. She can go to the doctor etc and find out what the deal is. If she won't then she really doesn't care as much as you thought.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Be careful here. If her sexual interest in you has waned this much BEFORE the wedding. I doubt things will change much after you say I do. Are you prepared for a sexless marraige?
I can't think of many things worse for man than having to endure being continually rejected sexually by his wife.
If the wife's desire for sex is much lower than a man's, she pretty much holds all the power in the relationship.
He'll basically walk on eggshells around her and serve her every whim just for the little hope that if does everything just right, she might take pity on him and have sex with him once a month.
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