A
male
age
30-35,
*hrisodearnooo
writes:My girlfriend seems to have lost interest lately: not wanting to talk as often, not writing letters or wanting to webcam like we used to(long-distance relationship) and just seems generally distant overall. She says she just needs space for herself and I basically feel like I'm bugging her. Any ideas on what to do other than give her the space she needs right now? I feel like I'm overdoing it sometimes, as if I'm afraid shes going to leave me, maybe That in itself worries her?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Fear of losing someone you love might always be there, if you think about it. There's never true certainy that the person you love will never stop loving you. That's all the more difficult if your relationship is based in her wanting to be with you, and her being free to go or do anything she wants, when she wants. This is of course the right way to love somebody (maybe the only one), but it's also very hard on you.
Your relationship being long distance, this aspect of uncertainty is even greater. Maybe you haven't thought about it consciously, from your point of view, the entire relationship lies in her wanting to give up the physical pleasures and the companionship that a "real life" relationship would give her. You want to keep her interested, and that's why you keep in that constant communication.
That said, relationships might come to an end. They do all the time. And, you can become clingy if you fear being alone. So maybe there's some truth in her saying that she needs some space for herself.
Or, and this is a big or, she became interested in someone else, or just thinks the relationship has no future.
In any case, the best thing you can do is let her go.
The heart of any relationship, I guess, lies in the other person WANTING to be with you. If you let her be, and she comes back, you know that she wanted to give you just that. If she never returns, well, that's what you really had: nothing. And now you know it, and you can build on that truth.
Take care.
A
female
reader, sugarwaffle +, writes (7 May 2008):
Have you spoken to her about how you feel? I think how you're feeling is a legitimate concern, especially since you're in a relationship with her. It's unfortunate how nowadays, many people refuse to be upfront, but instead, play games leaving their partners wondering if they're going to get the axe. (Or that needing space, a generally reasonable request, has become synonymous as a prelude to breaking up.)
Talk to her; let her know how you feel (pretty much, tell her what you've posted here). Good luck!
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