A
female
age
,
*moothCoffee64
writes:Just a few years ago I experienced a great loss in my life, my younger sister suddenly passed away. She was more like a best friend and my best hangout buddy. These days are so hard to deal with being without her. I have an older sister, but we have nothing in common and can't get along to save our lives. I Have a young adult daughter that I sometimes hangout with, but we argue qite often. At my age 40+, I'm finding it a little hard to meet new buddies. I try to socialize with co-workers after work but they all say the same thing "I have to go home to my family". I just want some advice on meeting friends around my age group. It will also be helpful to get some advice on getting closer with my older sister.Thank you for your time.
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reader, Ladybugcruiser  +, writes (8 May 2012):
I wish had an answer for you, but I too am looking for answers.
My life has been transient at best. As a child, my family moved thirteen times. As an adult, I couldn't stay 1 place for more than 5 years and although I was in the same city for 17 years, moving around a lot made it difficult to maintain friendships.
I went back to university in my 30s on a part-time basis, and then at age 38, I packed up and moved to another province entirely. My plan was to settle here and make new friends, but after two years that has posed to be difficult at best.
I am honestly being to think it's ...me.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Hi, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, that's very sad.
So the tough thing about making new friends is that you're going to have to put some effort into it. That means calling people and after you've made some friends, organizing activities.
I volunteer on a couple of local community organizations, one in arts, one in science. I chair the fundraising group for the science organization, and I'll tell you something, we are always on the lookout for mature, energetic and enthusiastic women to join us. I've made a couple of friends in that group. The arts group is interesting because it's so diverse.
If you take a look at your community's volunteer bank, like I did when I first moved here, you can find some great organizations. My science committee group has a couple of members who called up the center and spoke with the director of development; that is an excellent place to start.
I have friends who volunteer with Meals on Wheels and Habitat for Humanity; also serve as ushers at the local non-profit theater or the symphony or serve as docents at the art museum.
Do you golf? Play tennis? Do yoga? Join one of those sports, and speak with the scheduling director or manager and tell them that you are available to fill foursomes, or mixed or regular doubles.
I don't know if there are any walking or running groups; those would be great if you're in that kind of shape.
I have a friend who is on a quilting group at her church; they make quilts for those in need.
Amother friend is in her local Junior League and has done all kinds of things involving charity work there. She has some friends in that group.
I'm in a neighborhood book club, and there you really get to see how people think and view the world. Again, there, I've made a couple of friends. We meet once a month; members take turns hosting. I always go all out with my food, and I get the largest turnouts.
Getting along someone you have nothing in common with isn't too difficult; it's when they are family that old baggage can cause problems. I would examine myself to make sure I wasn't being judgemental of her life or her choices. If she was being judgmental of mine, I hate to sound so flip, that would be HER problem, and I wouldn't allow it to become mine.
I try to take people as they are; and encourage them to open up to me. It's harder when you have known this person for your entire life. I think sometimes family members fall into certain roles and expectations, they go back to that default instead of really working to get to know their sibling or family member in a new light and with fresh eyes and attitude.
I don't mean to suggest that you have been judgemental of your sister, I think I'm just trying to encourage you to examine the way you interact with her.
If she criticizes you, blandly ignore the 'advice'; when she does or says things that feel like friendship, react with positivity. It's like dog training: reward the desired behavior, ignore the misbehavior if at all possible.
I like to meet people that I have very little in common with. You can learn so much from them, and enjoy the new and fresh and different perspective on life that they bring to you. I'm in my late 40s (eek, so close to 50, eek!!) and I have friends in their 30s right on up to the 60s and even one or two in the 70s.
Well, thank you for giving me the chance to talk about me me me!!! I hope this has given you some ideas and that you'll find the friendship you're looking for.
Good luck!
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