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male
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*hredordie
writes: Hey guys,Me again. My girfriend is seeing a guy (started seeing him less than 2 weeks after we broke up) who is the complete opposite of me, and now she doesn't even hang out with the group of friends that we always hang out with (we were friends originally and we hung out with a really tight-knit group of people). She and this guy, while it seems like they may be happy, I really can't tell, but from what I can tell, they seem to really have nothing in common. We went out for a year, and then hit a rough spot because we spent too much time together, weren't independent enough of each other, etc. And while we tried to talk about things, work on them, and just grow as a couple, I got drunk and said some stupid things I didn't mean a couple of times and probably hurt her, and she ended things after a while.We've been friendly lately, and while in my heart I feel that her new relationship won't last and that we will give it another shot someday, I am very afraid that I may have lost her forever. We don't hang out that much anymore, but if I go a few days without contacting her, she always seems to send me an IM or text to find out what's going on. Today my friend was getting confirmed, and she came over to my room to use a blowdryer I have, and we were both standing in front of the mirror getting ready to go. We were a few minutes late and rushing to go and she made a comment how it was like old times, and we had a good laugh about it. Do you think there is a chance for me yet? Should I wait for her "rebound" relationship to run its course? I have tickets to a baseball game coming up, and the other night at a friend's surprise birthday party, she asked me about the game because she remembered I had asked her to go with me. I know she would like to go, but I'm not sure if it's the best idea to take her, and she said she wouldn't be offended if I didn't. Not sure what to do.Right now, I feel like writing her a letter telling her about all my feelings, and about how I find it impossible to be just purely "friends" with her. I want to tell her how I'm still madly in love with her, and that if she's comfortable with hanging with me while I still have feelings like that, then I'd love to take her to the game.I have a very long summer coming up, and I'm so anxious about her going home. It's 4 long months where I'll barely get to see her!!! I spent every other weekend with her last summer. Sorry this is so lengthy, but what do you guys think about my situation???
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (16 April 2006):
She is going out with someone else now, I'm afraid. You have to assume its over.
However, there are a few questions you should ask yourself to help you in the future -
firstly, why do you want to go out with her so much when you had so many problems in the first year of your relationship?
secondly, what were the problems? what are you going to learn from what happened, and avoid them in a future relationship
In addition, you have the problem that she is now regarding you as a friend, and this is clearly not working for you. It is hard to relearn patterns of bevahiour from partner to friends, and often impossible. I would suggest that you explain to her that you still have feelings for her, and that her contacting you is making it difficult for you to move on. Ask her to avoid you (and it sounds like she is already avoiding her friends) for at least 6 months, while you find yourself and maybe even another partner at some point.
A
male
reader, shredordie +, writes (16 April 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I sent the letter. I'm prepared for the worst. I'm ready to not see her for a while if that's what she wants. At least she'll know how I feel. Right???
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Write the letter and see what comes of it, but be prepared for a negative response, she has moved on and sees you as a friend, you have not moved on and still see her as a potential girlfriend.
The more you see of her the longer it will take to get over her, even if her current relationship fails who is to say she will return to you, she probably wont and all the issues about why your relationship failed are still there, nothing has changed just she moved on and you didnt.
Write the letter, let fate decide!!
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