A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been happy since my divorce of about 6 months ago. I was in a somewhat abusive relationship with my ex. So I am happy to move on. During this time a former colleague and friend helped me get through. He first suggested that I need not be in a that toxic relationship and provided encouragement and support for me in leaving and divorcing my ex. He has been there for me. Since my divorce we have continued our relationship and have been dating. Since he is not working at the same company as I do there is not an issue with that. Recently, he has said that he wants to express his love to me in a more physical way through sex. This makes me feel happy, excited, nervous, and questions some things. I am a Catholic and question the moral issue of it. The Catholic view I have been taught states that sexual fulfillment must occur in the act of love with one’s spouse. As a girl I was told that sexual pleasure was wrong. I have been talking to one of my closest friends about this issue and my relationship with this guy. She is not Catholic and I respect her view point. When I mention to her about being taught that sex and that sexual fulfillment must occur in the act of love with one’s spouse she pointed out to me that my ex did not provide that to me and was toxic. She stated that he did not provide love to me. She said that the guy I have been seeing has provided encouragement, love, and support for me. This is true. She also said that while sexual fulfillment may occur in marriage sex can be a good gift even if it is not done with a spouse if love is involved. I don’t want to marry again now. She pointed out that it has been a long time since I had sex and that experience would be good for me again. My ex and I did not have sex for 4 years. She said that I should not be nervous and questions things. She stated that I should be open to it and allow sex to happen naturally in time. She is a New Ager. She states that nearly all New Agers consider sex a positive practice, and generally they consider sex a form of self-expression, spiritual development, and healing and can transform sex from a merely physical practice to a spiritual oneAny advice what I should do regarding sex and the guy I have been seeing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2022): Over the years I've had plenty of guys giving me unasked for, unneeded interfering advice about who I should or should not spend time with. It always amounted to telling me to avoid someone else and jump into bed with them. Strange that. I remember one guy - who was mentally ill - three times my age, telling me that God had told him to tell me that I must sleep with him! How convenient.
The biggest mistake most women make is assuming that if they jump into bed with a guy they are now in a relationship. Most guys see it as sex and nothing else, and do not feel that the must be honest with you or see you again, but of course they do because they want more sex. Not necessarily because they like you or feel serious about you. Some will lie to you to get the sex others will try the "it is too soon to get into a relationship but let's have lots of sex" routine.
The other biggest mistake most women make is to assume that if they have sex with a guy he must then feel obligated to see you regularly, fall in love with you, give you a future, and never go with other women . Most of them don't go with other women because nobody else wants them, not because they are decent, honest and loyal. So they come back to you when they feel frisky - so what?
You should not need advice on sex with a guy - you should be able to work it out yourself with or without him. If the communication with him is so awful why are you sleeping with him??
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2022): I was brought up Catholic in the 50's and 60's -- Billy Joel's "Catholic Girls start much too late" lyric is bologna. In my group of 10 classmates that I knew well, not one was married or a virgin by 19. I'm not shaming them, just stating facts. We have lots of crazy rules we all break, like not eating meat on Fridays -- which they changed. Birth Control is another rule we all break. Late teens, my future CPA girlfriend insisted we confess every 2 weeks how many times we had sex, so we could receive guilt free Communion. she would write down a slash every time we had sex -- and we did it a lot. "make sure you say 24 times, our numbers have to match." So one time I went first and said 21x, she said 24. I was given 2 prayers penance, her penance was a whole Rosary in front of the statue of Virgin Mary. I ran into her 2 years ago and almost told her what I did. So if you have Catholic guilt, just go to confession.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2022): As a non-religious person, I can only say that there are plenty of people (religious and non religious) who have sex outside of marriage. I don't see any issue with it, especially if you love each other and are in a committed relationship. Personally, I'd let nature take its course and do it when you feel ready to.
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