A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I finally found the strength to break up with my abusive bf! However, he now has the nerve to turn it all around onto me! I told him how I felt and that I coudlnt be in a relationship where I was treated like that. He basically said it was all my fault. He even tried to tell me that I have too high expectations and that I would never find a guy who didnt do those things!!!Hes placing all this blame on me for everything, he wont take responsibility for his abuse. He also says that I am overeacting and that every other guy would do the same- its normal. He then got really nasty by putting me down like he hasnt done before, and just being exstremely rude and saying cruel things. Then suddenly, within a few seconds, he turns itno Mr Sweet Nice guy. It was so weird that he could do that. He started saying how much he cares for me and loves me. But then, within a matter of minutes, hes back to me blaming me and saying that I am the reason he does what he does. In case you are wondering, the ways in which he abuses me is- through control, and power play games, critisim, exstreme jealousy, disrespectful of me, breaks relationship boundaries, purposly tries to hurt me, and make me jealous etc...the list is really endless. His abuse got worst tonight when I broke up with him.I guess I just wanted to vent, and I need some advice on how to deal with all of this. I feel guilty for breaking up with him. I feel like I caused all these problems in our relationship. He tells me that I give up to easy and that he is mad at me because I wont stay with him- he says im being selfish and only leaving to proect myself. To be honest, I am in shock right now from tonight. He jsut said so many hrutful things...I am pretty sure now he is NOT the guy I thoguht he was.By the way, me and my [now ex] bf are both 20 years old. Any advice on how to move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thank you both for your responses. I cant tell you how much I appreciate it.
damluvaam - especially to you, thankyou, because it means alot to me to here all that coming from a guy. I must admit, because of myex bf, it does sometimes make me think of guys in general bad...but hearing you say that, reminds me that not all guys are out there, and its not ok or normal, like my ex tries to have me believe. thanks again.
A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009):- thankyou too for your reply. I am sorry for you having to go through something similar, its so horrible and no one should ever be put through this. you really do understand what im going through, its amazing because so many other people dont. they dont understand how i can still care about him after what he did. You story is so similar to mine, my ex bf did alot of the same things yours did...its quite weird. I think abusers must share tips or something on how to manipulate and abuse people.
I hope you stay strong and dont contact him. I must admit, I am very temped right now to contact my ex. He contacted me earlier today, was abusing me so badly...it hurt alot. He even told me he had a new gf (yeah right, that is his attempt to try to hurt me). I told him that I didnt want to ever speak to him again because he is too hurtful. And he cotinued to abused me...no sorry or anything. So i blocked him on msn, i deleted him from my friends lists on social networking sites etc...and then, about 3 hours later...i get a text message from him saying sorry!!!! he said he desperatly needs to talk to me beause he feels bad and wnats to say sorry. I havent replied...but I am so tempted. I feel like if i dont reply, I am a mean person. I dont want him to think i hate him, i dont want him to feel bad. But i just know that his text message apology is his way to draw me back in, just so he can abuse me again...
its a tough one...
take care, and hope you stay strong and heal :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): I feel your pain! It looks like I have found a place to offer what I have learned from my experience as well as "vent" a little about my life too! I know you hurt. My guess is you also are doubting yourself, questioning your behaviors (so to speak) and maybe you even feel guilt. I am sitting here feeling those things. I stated in an earlier response that I am 2 weeks out of a disasterous relationship with a man I have know for 20 years. I am 39. He has manipulated, emotionally abused me and placed so much blame onto me that I can't get through a day without crying. You recognized the danger you were in and took action....AWESOME! You protected yourself. It could be hard for you to stay away and not contact him, but prepare for those feelings. Cry, exercise, eat a pound of chocolate, whatever you need to resist and overcome the urge to go back to this man (if you get those feelings). Emotional control/abuse is harmful and eats away at a person's self esteem and confidence. I think you are wise and did the right thing. It may not feel like it right now, but like I said, I am 2 weeks out and going to counseling and today, it was all I could do to not text him and try to "work things out". I resisited and made it another day. Since September, this man and I have tried to work on moving from just friends to being a couple. As soon as he decided he wanted to be with me (if he ever did), he changed tactics on me and became "the boss". I never saw it coming. I allowed him to hurt me over and over..blaming me for causiing him stress, insinuating that I was causing him to lose his job and he also used me in other ways. He would give me the silent treatment, not respond to my e-mails or text msgs. and when I got pissed, he would turn it around and tell me I had the problems. I hurt really bad, but I know things would have became worse. When I told him I didn't want to hear from him anymore, he had just insulted me and questioned my integrity and honesty. That did it for me. You are not alone....stick to your decision and except nothing less than the best!
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