A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 27, have never really had a close group of friends and it upsets me that that's the case. I've had friends over the years of course, but only ever one or two at a time and often they have been born out of convenience, ie we were the only 2 single people in the office so we'd go out to meet men together etc. I always feel a bit jealous when co workers say they are inviting the girls round for a night in or something because in all honesty I don't really have anyone I could to that with. I have tried joining clubs recently to meet people but the people in them seem to be much older than me (closer to my parents ages) and not really looking to form new friendships. I'm going to keep trying of course, but I'm scared if I do meet people I will just end up with more short, superficial friendships that never really deepen or last. Any advice? I should probably point out that there is no bad feeling between me and any of these people, we just tend to drift apart really easily.
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female
reader, milesDhope  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Hello I do not want to take much time and make sure I have my grammar correct because I prefer to write down what is important which ideas and thoughts are more important ha! Anyways I understand you somewhat because I have been this way too. I do not understand you completely because I am not obviously you but I can relate. I am younger than you, I am only 18 years old. I have had friendships throughout my life but they always drifted too. I have come to just except it because I am not doing anything wrong that I know of. I am friendly, kind, helpful, considerate, and I try my best to be a good friend but I am not perfect. I have had fairly close friends but after time we just drift apart and I try to reconnect with them but it seems they have moved on and have found other friendships and I completely understand but it sucks to have to keep on losing good people. I tend to give up sometimes but all in all I never completely quit. My advice to you which I also apply to myself and may not be the best advice but be patient and wait for the right friend who will stay with you even when the ups and downs come by. Good luck and hey at least you have had friendly in counters! ? take care
A
female
reader, DarkAngel334 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I'm 16 and I have a hard time making friends. I've got some really good friends though. I obviously want to keep my friends for as long as I possibly can, if not forever. The way I make friends and keep them is just by being myself. I am weird, random, and unique. I've found pretty great friends too and they accept me for all of those factors. Just be yourself and don't act clingy (not saying that you did already or do) If they really like you and care about you they'll stick around for a while. I've lost some friends, but that's because we didn't keep in contact or someone moved. It's hard but I still continue to make more. I've been in a 10 year relationship with my best friend and I just spent 4 years away from her in Alaska. If my friendship can last that long with her or any of my friends then I know your's can too.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Some friendships are meant to drift away, some friendships have their season. Meant to enrich your life for a short while, and then go away. So, it's not like you're doing anything wrong if not everyone you meet stay life-long friends.
I have two best friends who for years I didn't call best friends at all. We just happened to meet a decade ago, and there were periods I didn't like them, or times when they'd leave my life. The thing is, these two girls happened to come back after a while of being gone. So there was nothing special about the friendship I had with them, other than.. when others went away and stayed away, these two happened to come back.
Friendships are built over time. Perhaps one day, the friends you had at the office will come back, and you will meet and be friends again, and the friendship will deepen from there on.
But even close friends may drift apart. I had a friend when I was 12-17 that was so close to me like a sister. Yet when I moved out of home, and left to another city, she got to know a different crowd of people.. she grew into a different person. Such things can happen too. Friendships aren't set in stone, is what I'm saying. So those who have their "girls over".. well, the group of girls can change over time. I have a feeling you imagine it to be a solid and set in stone type of arrangement. But it's not.
So, if you want close friendships.. well, then you'll just have to give of yourself, and see if maybe people you meet come back in your life, and who knows, maybe they stay until the day you die. But if they don't... well then don't blame them or yourself, that's just how it is sometimes.
What I do is just offer of myself, and be generous. I try to help people when I can, and I invite people over, and I invite them into my life. I know that it is difficult for some people to reach out, so I open up to people first instead, so that it's easy to reach out to me if they want to. To put it this way, it's easier to come visit when you know the door is always open, than if you come to a locked door and have to stand outside and wait and maybe not ever be let in. So I open the door, and enter whomever wants, I meet them, and if they enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs then they'll probably come back.
Doesn't mean I have tons of friends, but then again I'm a weird person with peculiar interests and a very direct approach to things. But it works. I've adopted this way of meeting people from a good friend of mine (and now boyfriend). He's always been very open and inviting people into his home. He's not as peculiar or direct as me, got better manners too, and people are just flocking around him. He's got more people thinking of him as their best friend than he can count.
But you got to open up and give of yourself, and be generous with yourself and with your time. That way, others will open up to you too. Share something personal, share your inner thoughts on a matter. Never be shallow yourself, and people will meet you with honesty.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Well there is obviously a reason that you drift apart so maybe you can look into that and see why or how that happens. Are you making enough effort with friends? When you meet someone do you make enough effort to get to know them and keep them as a friend?
The best thing to do is to be open and friendly. Take that step and invite whatever girls you know over for a girlie night. It does not need to be a big group and you do not need lots of friends to feel popular. They say a couple of close friends is better than a big circle of friends. Just be yourself and make an effort to get to know people. Good luck.
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