A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have several problems, but the main one right now is that my dad (who has a heart problem) has an alcohol problem and he's in denial. This makes my entire family very vunerable. I apologise beforehand because this is long, but I really need some advice here!It's 3 am right now and I'm typing this in my room, where I've hidden all the bottles of booze from him, which I will later throw away when I'm sure he can't hear me. I have told him that drinking an entire bottle of whisky every other day is too much. Aside from that he goes to the pub every day and I have no clue how much he drinks there. He seems to think it's harmless, because he only "takes a few glasses". Few glasses add up to a lot and tonight he got home drunk and passed out on bed without even saying "hi" to mom and me. My mom is ill, she has MS and she practically lives in her electric wheelchair. We have nurses that take care of her, but they are only there to bathe her, change her diapers and give her nutritious drinks because she has completely lost her appetite. While she used to have quite a mouth on her (so I've heard) she now just shrugs, because she cannot add any punch to her words with actions. My brother is autistic and is at a special school, but comes home in the weekends. My dad is pretty much the one who keeps the family together financially. I am in college doing a fulltime study and because of the amount of time I spend travelling back and forth I simply cannot have a job on the side. My dad had a heart attack last year and I thought that would put him off smoking and alcohol. It didn't. His docter (unaware of his problem) said that a few glasses a day could do no harm. Well, my dad has his own interpretation of "a few glasses" and I sure don't agree with it. I've talked to him about it over and over and everytime I think I'm finally getting somewhere he disappoints me by falling back into his old habits. When I call him on it he blames me for things I've done wrong in the past and we just get nowhere.I don't know what to do. I'm studying, but I have no clue what the future could look like. I'm 20, but I feel I'll never really get the chance to be independant. I want to live on my own, but at the same time I feel like I can't leave my family alone. I don't have a social life (I spend every evening at home with mom because dad is in the pub) and I've never had a real boyfriend because I don't have enough time for him. Dad got fired from his job in may this year because the company wasn't doing too well and he still hasn't found anything new. His age makes him too expensive for many companies, but he's too young to retire. Right now he's stressing over finding a job and he says that's why he's drinking 'a bit.' He won't quit, though. I have to be honest here and admit that my concerns for him are not just because I love him (which I do). I know this sounds extremely selfish, but the truth is that if my dad dies because of his habits, everything falls onto my shoulders. He doesn't have life insurance, so that would mean I would have to take the weight, so to say. And I know of people who spend their lives taking care of their loved ones until they die, only to find out afterwards that they forgot to live in the process. I don't want to end up like that. And I don't want to lose my dad. My mom doesn't have many years left to live, and I don't want everything to come crashing down in the time she has left, because she has so little already. I want my brother to have as happy and normal a life he can have and this would defenitely shake him up real badly and make it hard for him.Can anyone offer me some advice on what to do? Dad has lessened the smoking, but he just can't seem to give up on drinking. I'm sorry this was so long but I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks so much for your time!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 My dad has heart problems and a major drinking problem too. Ur a very strong girl for the situation ur in..now as far as ur dad goes, Ive quoted statistics from health sites, even threw brochures about drinking and heart attacks on his stuff, a thing my dad did to curve his drinking was attend church and find his faith in the Lord. Express to him ur concerned about his health and drinking. I would think a heart attack would be a wake up call! Remind him of this, next time if it happens he may not be so lucky..Tell him u love him and u need ur father in ur life and ur afraid if he continues the way he is that he may not be on this earth much longer. Look up online if there's any AAA meetings and sign ur Dad up and actually go with him.., that doesnt work then ask him to go with u to church on Sunday, Im not entirely religious but the Lord does listen :)! Im crossing my fingers for you and saying a pray for u this Sunday!
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