A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, It's almost since a year since my ex-fiance broke up with me. I have only dated one guy since then and decided to stop it before it went too far because I couldn't get over my ex.I am a senior in college and have liked this guy on one of our sports teams for a few months now. We've only talked a few times but he's expressed an interest in me. We ended up seeing each other at a bar on Thursday and I decided he could come back to my place with me. I told him I didn't want to have sex and he said that was ok. The next morning I changed my mind and we had sex.After he left, I remembered that when we first got back from the bar I had asked him to call my phone because I didn't know where I put it. When I went to save his number, I realized he had deleted it out of my phone! Saturday at 230 in the morning I got a text from one of the other guys on the team asking if I had gone out to the bars (I hadn't). Then I got a call from the guy I slept with the night before around 330 in the morning. I was sleeping so I never heard/answered either.The problem is that I can't get him out of my head. I was warned by a guy I barely know that he is a huge player and not to get close with him. Being a typical girl, I thought I would be the exception to the rule. I texted him today to ask how his Easter was and I never got an answer. I'm just bummed because I really liked this guy and now feel used for sex even though I consented. I don't know how to get him out of my head. I won't text him again since he didn't answer but I'm unsure how to handle it the next time we see each other out (my college is VERY small). I'm afraid he is going to sweet talk me and apologize and I'll cave. I think this is partially because I've been really lonely since my breakup and want someone to spend time with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 It is horrible when this happens as I'm sure he made you believe he would call and it wouldn't just be a one night stand. He led you on and you feel used. Remember that feeling - that's not how you want someone to treat you. Don't let him sweet talk you again or it'll be more sex and that's it.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 April 2013):
Well, anytime you give it up on the first night you lose your right to complain about how someone treats you (assuming, of course, it was consensual). That's because you don't know them at all and no expectations should be put on a virtual stranger to behave a certain way.
If he's nice to you and you cave a second time the same will be true.
I'd recommend acting like you acted before you met him at the bar, minus the flirtation. He can be someone you are indifferent to, not positive or negative towards. He didn't do anything wrong, he was just being himself and you made the mistake of not getting to know him first.
Good luck.
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