A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now, he's a fantastic guy and we should be really happy. But my trust issues and paranoia are destroying any chance of happiness we may have. Our relationship is a long-distance one, which I guess doesn't help, but when we are together it's amazing, it's just when I get home that my mind goes into crazy mode.The main problem for me is that he is still good friends with his ex-girlfriend who lives only 20 minutes away. I really find it hard to be cool with that, she's a nice girl, and also a good friend of mine, but the thought of them both talking and meeting up drives me crazy. He's told me time and time again that it's over between them, and he loves me now, and I know that he wouldn't lie to me, but I just can't put these feelings of paranoia aside, they just take over. I also feel that she was a much better girlfriend to him that I could ever be, so I feel very inferior to her. I think that's why I wouldn't be surprised if he did end up going back to her. Either way, it's become very destructive and it's beating me up inside and I know that it's only a matter of time that he says enough is enough, and we end up seperating. I don't want to lose him, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, so any advice on how to get rid of this jealousy and paranoia would be much appreciated.Thanks.
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female
reader, Meggy_2105 +, writes (23 September 2008):
I have a Long distance relationship Myself and me and my partner have been together for over a year and i get jealous myself because his EX is still contacting him and again same as you she is a friend of mine.
Believe me he will be thinking the same as you. But if you were inferior to her then he would have gone back to her... which he hasn't which in my eyes means you are better so you need to think like that.
You need to say to your self i am better than her and he knows that and thats why i have got him and she hasn't. If he says to you its over between them then you have to listen and believe him.
Hope that helps hun
x meggy x
A
female
reader, strebor08 +, writes (23 September 2008):
I think what you need to ask yourself is do you think you will ever be able to trust him?
I am also a very jealous person but luckily my bf does not give me any reason not to trust him (or he is very good at hiding it!)
You should tell you bf your uncomfortable about him being friends with his ex (I would be the same), if it was the other way round would he be happy about you being friends with your ex?
Some people do stay friends with ex bf/gf's but I think if you have moved on, you need not be more than polite.
One thing I would say is that he is with you and not her which says a lot for the way he feels.
I do think you should tell him calmly how you feel without him interuping, if he is willing to make you happy he will listen
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A
female
reader, zeeee  +, writes (23 September 2008):
hi there
well i know exactly how u feel becoz i myself have a long distance relationship and these things do come across my mind once in a while but ur insecurity will not only drive u mad its gonna drive him crazy too. the basis of every relationship is trust and u need to trust him no matter what . if he tells u he only loves u believe him. and why dont u try to find out whats his idea of an ideal gf then u can try to b 50% of that. in this way even if his ex gf strips in front of him he will not even look at her. just learn to b more confident. believe in urself and believe that u are the best and noone can find ne1 as beautiful and nice as u. seeing this kind of self confidence he will respect u even more and im sure all these insecurities will dissolve by themselves :)
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