A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is going to take quite a while so here goes. .Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, there is quite a big age difference, I'm 19 he's 30 but that doesn't matter to us at all, the problem is my parents, well my mum especially, doesn't seem to accept our relationship. We got off to a bad start as I did't tell them where I was going when I first started seeing him, I thought they would freak out at the age gap so wanted to see if things worked out between us first. But then one night they found out where I was and completely flipped! My sister had gone off with an older guy a few years before which caused lots of upset in my family so that didn't help as they thought I was doing exactly the same as her. I think another reason for my mum having issues is I used to work for his parents, my sister still does, which is how we first met each other, and my mum and dad never thought that they treated their staff right. Which was not true at all, I never had any issues with them but my sister used to constantly moan about the way they were with her, I could never get my parents to realise it was because of the way my sister behaved!My dad forgave me for lying at first and has been really accepting about our relationship, but whenever I such much as mention his name when my mum is around she goes completely off with me! They have never met my boyfriend and I don't think my mum particularly wants to. Well actually my mum met him once when I had a car accident close to his house and he came out to help, me and him had been seeing each other for a few weeks at the time but my mum didn't know this, and she was praising him afterwards for been such a helpful young man, then when she found out about me and him she didn't have a good word to say.I spend so much time at his place and we really love each other but I just wish it could be more normal, where I can have him coming round to see my parents with me instead of having to live two separate lives, one with him and one with my parents.Also he is working away in india at the moment and has asked me to go out for a holiday in march but I don't know how to approach the subject with my mum! It will be the first time I have flown alone and I think she is going to freak out at the fact that I will be travelling half way accross the world to someone she doesn't like the sound of!Sorry it's so long but any advice on how to get her to come round to the fact that me and my boyfriend are an item, or how to tackle the india subject, would be massively appreciated! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did think of speaking to my dad first, but then the way my mum is she would be annoyed that I spoke to him without her! She's awkward like that!A few people at work that I have spoken to said the same as you, not many people get the chance to go to India plus my boyfriend has a 5 star villa, paid for by his company, so it's only going to cost me the flights! It's too good to turn down to be honest.Thanks for the advice, I think I will ust go for it and mention it to my dad first, then we could just drop it into conversation with my mum. I think if he is ok with it, which I imagine he will be, she will just go along with it too, well hopefully!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 January 2009):
You are 19. It is your life. I know you don't want to cause trouble but you are an adult. You can take the bus / train / plane alone!
If your dad seems more reasonable then talk to him first. Tell him you have the chance to go to India, which let's face it, most people will never get the chance to go to.
Ask him how he would handle your mum because he's known her for a long time and may be able to help you find the right things to reassure her about.
Then you just have to brave it and tell her you are going on holiday to see your boyfriend.
Good Luck!! xx
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