A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling a bit sad about the possibility of being rejected by someone who I was convinced that was interested in me. I posted a question on here asking if people agreed with me that the fact that he has not replied to a message I sent him means that he is not interested, to which the majority did agree. With this guy, it started out when he talked to me out of the blue after meeting two months ago at a party. Of course, I assumed that he may have been interested... We saw eachother again last week when we were at a friend's house - he arrived very late as he was working and we talked shortly after he arrived. So before the whole message incident I thought he could have liked me and when he showed up at our friend's house after being at work and we talked looked promising.I have been single for 3-4 years, so whenever someone possibly shows interest I get my hopes up and develop crushes. Over these years, I have gained independence, become comfortable in my own skin and even started out on my career at university but now I feel ready to share my life with someone. Any advice on how to deal with rejection and how to believe that one day I will find someone?Thanks :)
View related questions:
at work, crush, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 How do you deal with it? Know that you put yourself out there and dodged a bullet. He could have faked interest and used you, he could be talking to you out of pity, boredom, he could be married.. It could always be worse..
Some times you have to put yourself out there and sometimes you get turned down. Try not to over analyze a guy and his actions when you first met him. I know that can be hard. The thing is, if the guy is interested he will want to talk to you. And I'm not saying you should sit on your hand waiting for the guy to call you either. The same goes if you are interested in a guy, don't be afraid to talk to him.
Maybe you need to look at the kind of guys you have been "crushing" on and see if there is a pattern, then maybe that is exactly the kind of guys you need to stay away from.
Go out there be social, take a break from trying to find "the guy" just go out and have a blast with your friends.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 The most frightening thing to a man is a woman that appears to come on too strong. I don't know if that's the case here(probably not since you sound mature enough to know that) but IF a guy feels or even imagines he's about to be swept away he may bolt for the door. We are a VERY insecure species(aproach with caution and maybe he will not disapoint. Good Luck you sound like a very nice young lady that's been disapointed enough already. Hugs, an older guy that's seen a lot
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I used to be just like you. I'd meet someone and they'd show some interest and I'd develop a big crush on them only to find out they weren't as interested as I thought they were. It was like this for a few years, up and down, and it was exhausting.
What I found hard to deal with was the constant rejection, the feelings of 'what is wrong with me' and 'why am I not good enough.' I failed to see that there was nothing wrong with me, the fact of the matter was that for whatever reason the guys just weren't interested. And that's not because I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough or whatever, it was just because I wasn't for them. Many times I was blind sided by a need to be with someone, so that even when the guy who rejected me wasn't for me, I'd still wonder why it didn't work. What I should have been thinking is that it didn't work for a reason, we just weren't compatible.
If I can give you any advice is to try and not take the rejections personally. Perhaps you, like I used to, take things too personally. I've found that many men are just out there to test the waters and many times aren't looking for anything serious. The problem is, you see a slight interest and you get your hopes up really high, when in fact the guy has no intention of anything more than a few dates etc.
I would recommend that you get out there and meet as many guys as you can. But don't go out there looking for a boyfriend! Think of these guys as new friends, don't think 'this could be my next boyfriend' or 'this could be the one.' This is what sets you up for disaster. Just meet new men, accept coffee/lunch dates, let things develop slowly.
I promise you that out of some of these men, one might slowly emerge as a potential boyfriend.
I'm not saying that you'll find what you're looking for this way but what you will do is give yourself the opportunity to find the guy you're looking for, but you will minimize your chances of constant disappointment and heartbreak.
Go out there, have fun and don't expect too much. Give things time. I used to get stuck on any guy who'd show me interest only to be disappointed when things didn't work out. Then I thought, let's just meet a few guys and take it day by day, no expectations whatsoever. And then I met someone who I'm still with...and that was over 2 years ago.
Good luck :)
...............................
|
