A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, she called it quits! Im the guy who wrote the question titled "Is she still mourning or is it over?" Well, she came to me and told me its over here is what she wrote to me (told her to write me becuase of our schedules and I didn't wanna keep dragging it out):Hey hon, Since you are okay with me expressing my feelings in writing here goes. I love you very much and I know that you love me too, probably more. As much as I would just love to be the typical woman that would just grab you up and settle down, I am not that woman so it's time for me to stop trying to be something I'm not. I would like nothing more than to settle down with and eventually have the white picket fence with the two dogs but I am not ready for any of that yet as well as a serious relationship though I've been trying. I have been struggling with this for some time now. I have been going over it over and over in my head and even talked to my mom about it and I have come to the conclusion that I am just not ready for any relationship. She thought it was awful of me to get in a relationship with you in the first place but I adored you and didn't know it would end like this. I have come to the realization that I am not bored withpeople or missing anything. I realize the thing that's missing is me and the fact that I don't want to be in a relationship anymore for awhile with anyone. I need to focus on me right now and fix some things about myself before I can fully put my all into a relationship instead of feeling like I need to run. I am sorry if you feel as if I have waisted your time but truth be told I don't regret a single minute of it. I just regret that it didn't work. You have treated me like a princess and I love you for that. You have definitely set the bar higher if I ever decide to settle down. I wouldn't be surprised if I am one of those people who will never settle down because it just isn't for me and if that is true I think I am fine with that. At least then I don't have to worry about hurting anyones feelings. I really hope we can still be friends since I've known you for years and I hope you know that I am always here if you need anything. If you need time to deal with things first then I understand and again I am so sorry things didn't work out. I know you are crazy about me (sorry for putting it mildly) which is why I hate that I am doing this but I can't be in a relationship if it's not what I want right now, it's not right. I will always love you, I hope you know that." So guys, thats where I am now and Im hurtin bad because to say you just dont think you can be in a relatioship is so vauge to me. Any advice, because obviously Im not over her and want her to see that we can still have something special.
View related questions:
I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 September 2009):
"Im hurtin bad because to say you just dont think you can be in a relatioship is so vauge to me."
Actually, the statement is clear. It appears vague to you because it is not what you want to hear.
Please understand that I sympathize. If I didn't I wouldn't be answering your post. We have ALL been there. What we needed to know when we were there seemed hard to absorb, but it is the plain, clean, sterilizing truth... the stinging alcohol to your wound... and you've asked, so here it is:
In response to, "obviously Im not over her and want her to see that we can still have something special." She SEES you had something special.
She has class and dignity and is a woman who understands herself. She has stated plainly that she is not ready for a relationship. She doesn't want to waste your time knowing you obviously do.
It isn't you, it's her. She doesn't want to break up with you to be with another man. She knows you are someone great.
Ending things with you was almost as hard for her as it is for you.
Do whatever you need to do so that you can put her behind you. I advise against a friendship at this time. Do not look for hidden clues in her notes or ways back into her life as a lover or as a friend (this is a self-deluding way back in as her lover).
Avoid deluding yourself with “well, maybe if I said this or if I did that…” There is nothing you can do.
Cry for a bit, then go hang out with your buddies. It hurts... a lot. But you'll be ok.
:-)
A
female
reader, CupidGirl826 +, writes (7 September 2009):
Hey Guy,
I read your entire post.
She knows herself better than you ever can. The woman knows you had something good together, she likes you, etc - but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She was very honest in her letter. We (the posters) will never her reasons - but she states it clearly. I read through it, there is no IFs or BUTs - or any possibility that she wants to get back together.
My best advice is to leave it be.
She *MAY* contact you back in a month's time or weeks time - but I would not WAIT for the call or e-mail.
It's tough going through a break-up. How long were you together? If you need someone to talk to or chat with, feel free to hit send me an IM and we can exchange info - you just need to get your mind off of it.
...............................
|
