A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this awesome girl for six months. We share a lot of interests and especially in the beginning had a sparking, romantically and sexually intense and wonderful relationship. We basically spent every day together.Over time, she has begun to hint that she'd like more time for herself. I must add that I am an anxious/preoccupied attachment type (just found out - working on it), so this instantly hits me as rejection. I analyze our relationship closely and put every word of hers on a gold scale without even wanting it sometimes ... if I don't get back signs of affection I sulk or am worried. I am not sure if I'd place her in the avoidant relationship area, but I guess she's between secure and avoidant.Anyway, I feel like she lost interest. We have less sex (I also began to ejaculate prematurely, after a couple of minutes, due to insecurity I guess) and she said she'd like to have more time for her friends. When I ask if she's lost interest or something along these lines, she says "no". Yet I constantly fight that nagging feeling ...She had to fly abroad to see her suddenly very sick grandmother. Contact has been very short so far (compared to times we spent apart before) and she usually doesn't sound very affectionate. She wrote me that she missed me on the first day, but hasn't said it since (or only as an answer to my saying it first). Today for example, at 1pm we agreed to call later, but she still hasn't called (9pm) - my mind is racing with fears of already having put her off, her having met someone else etc etc etc when it could only be because of her very sick and maybe dying grandmother. She doesn't have internet where she is; phone calls are the only means of communication available. Up to today, she usually called me when she had time or announced she would.The other part is that she is reluctant to meet my parents - she's "met" them very briefly at some occasion, without clearly having been introduced as my girlfriend, a "title" which she had problems to take for a while. She went out of an 8 year relationship closely before we got together which still occupies her sometimes, although I think she doesn't want her ex back. Also, she is reluctant to say "I love you". I did that after three months and she said She *thought* she loved me a little while ago but seems to need time for that ...I am not sure how to behave. I am scared I have already put her off too much. I know women are into men who are self-conscious and lead their own life and I know that somehow I can do that, but I need a chance ... what do you guys think? Game Over for that already?
View related questions:
ejaculate, grandmother, hasn't called, her ex, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Hi! Seems like your really smitten with this girl huh?Great..You mentioned she's awesome. Wonder what makes her awesome, Just physically? or maybe she has qualities in her character that made you so smitten about her?Well to tell you honestly, Women are diff'rent when it comes to the love of their life.There are women who are desperate, clingy.There are women who can control their feelings.There are women who cant let go of a lover.There are women who knows how to let go and easily let go.You mentioned an instance that i think might be the reason why she's having second thoughts of you: she's "met" ( your parents) them very briefly at some occasion, without clearly having been introduced as my girlfriend, a "title" which she had problems to take for a while.This is very important, I'm sure there are still reasons why she backed out. probably your not aware, but important for her.have you tried to ask her in a way that she will really open up, coz i could relate to her.I still love my ex but i chose to lied and act indifferent becoz of so many thing that he have done which is important for me but i dont wanna discuss with him. Cuz i assume he should know and if his going to do it just because i say so then, im not happy with it. I rather let go than stay with him knowing his not happy and im not happy. Although i love him so much, but there's a big mountain between me and him.If you truly care for her, know that mountain between you and her..I believe if you love her you will jump over that mountain just to show her you love her, its ok to be stupid sometimes, especially if that will make us happy..you never know maybe she loves you but just like me, she let go coz of misunderstanding. You can still rectify that.Do it, be a Man.. good luck...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 The psychology article you read is meant to be a guideline and you should never label yourself as anything. You are only are needy as your unmet needs. In my last relationship I was insecure/paranoid because my ex was on and off and playing with my mind. My now boyfriend satisfies me and checks up on me a lot. I am secure now. I have learnt how to identify different types of people. I will never get attached to an avoidant ever again. If she doesn't understand why you need her to keep in touch she is not worth it.
...............................
|
