A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all.I would like your perspective on an issue that's troubling me very much these days. Female perspectives are much appreciated. I know it's long, but I need help, desperately.I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for seven months now. We are in love, and very much so. She is my first real relationship; I am 25, she is 22.This summer we have been separated quite a bit as I have an internship far away from where she stays. We are together now for a couple of weeks and I love it. However, I am having some pretty significant problems when it comes to sex.Before summer started we had sex daily and it was never a problem for me. Then, when we met again about a week ago, I could not get erect. Since then we have been able to have sex only twice, as I usually get so nervous about not getting hard that I usually don't get hard.Fooling around, kissing, hugging, stroking, etc.... all this get's me hard. But as soon as I remove my pants (or hers) I go limp within seconds as I know that I absolutely must remain erect to have intercourse.These days just the thought of having sex or fooling around stresses me to the point where I get incredibly hot and start sweating. Sex has now become this big burden for me and mentally it is exhausting me.I have talked this over with my girlfriend and she assures me that she does not mind, that it will happen when it happens, and that I don't need to worry about her being upset with this. We both know that I am capable of having sex, as we have had it many, many times.But still... I feel that this mental barrier is getting stronger and stronger, and it makes me so depressed and sad that I no longer want to try to have sex. I have tried taking tranquilizers before having sex to easy my anxiety but it does not seem to help. I am not a big fan of medication, but I'm seriously considering viagra, just so that we could at least have sex for the few days that we still have with each other, before we embark on one last month of separation.I am also deeply concerned that even though my girlfriend says it is not a problem, and that I should not worry about it, she will end up losing her patience if the problem does not go away soon. I want to know if other couples out there have dealt with similar problems. How does one overcome this anxiety? Won't my girlfriend eventually lose her patience if I am not able to show her physically that I love her? G
View related questions:
depressed, kissing, limp, viagra Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): DEAR tennisstar88!!!
I agree with you 100%. Good advice. My husband is in the same situation, but never found an answer to the problem. Can you please let me know, if the anti depressant worked,or what is happening with your sex-life now?
To the poster
Actually I think , you should definitely get into therapy, because ,you dont want a life long struggle with this problem.
Your girlfriend will loose her patience ,and you will lose her. You need to put this on your priority list!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): i can offer some practical advice. Start off naked. At least then ur not messing around with clothes. I hope this problem resolves itself, but worrying about it is going to make it worse, for now take ur girlfriends word for it and try to relax.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Well, my husband and I are going through a similar problem but he cant sometimes finish sex..which we found out he has a chemical imbalance..So I suggest going to the doctor if u havent gone already. Now for us women, we think the problem is us..what did we do wrong, are u not attracted to us, silly I know. With my husband and I the sex decreased to maybe 5 times a month because he was depressed that he couldnt finish rather ashamed. It put a lil strain on our marriage bc I need a regular sex life, and I was a lil impatient bc this has been going on for months. My advice, see a doctor immediately bc u need to know the problem and work on a solution, give ur gf some insight she'll understand. Sex doesnt make the relationship, but it is an important factor of a healthy one.
...............................
|
