A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I desperately need an outside unbiased opinion.I am in the midst of finalizing a breakup with my boyfriend but I am having second thoughts. On one hand, he is verbally abusive (calling me bitch, selfish, a baby, stupid, etc) and he emotionally cheated by asking other girls for their numbers. On the other hand though, I see the great guy still who said he wants to propose, a family and kids with me and we have a history and condo together.I have huge anxiety attacks thinking about life without him and imagining him giving another girl everything (including no cheating) and more and I ask, "why couldnt I have that? I deserved it from him".What should I do?? How do I get over imagining him treating others better and why couldnt I have that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-stop-myself-from-breaking-down.html
Please do yourself a HUGE FAVOUR and head to Individual counselling ASAP!!
You need to work on you. When you are stronger, healthier- you can see clearer and make good, healthy, happy choices.
You keep trusting and relying on someone you say is not trustworthy and reliable so you are caught up in some ugly circle of pain and destruction.
Stop all of it be heading to counselling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): If he treats another girl better its only cos he would have learned from his mistakes which cost him this relationship. But continuing this relationship doesn't cost him anything hence he will never treat you better no matter how long you stay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): You have to change the way your thinking about this, if he's not treating you well, he will probably treat another girl the same way. Its just the way he is. If you both went your separate ways and he met someone else, he may well treat her properly to begin with (the honeymoon period) but unless something happens to him to change his way of treating his gf then i expect he will be verbally abusive to the next person in the end too. You can't change him though, that has to come from him.
You deserve better and perhaps you should be looking to your future and that someone else, better than him is waiting for you to give you a better life and less anxiety than your current man.
I know it's hard to move on when you love someone and have all the connections you two have, but i suspect his treatment of you will only get worse over time. Better to cut your losses now rather than in many more years down the line with perhaps children involved or other ties to him.
Five years ago, I cut myself from a verbally abusive and manipulative relationship of 24 years with 3 fairly grown up children. It was the hardest thing i've ever done and it took five years to work through all my feelings and now I finally feel nothing for my ex. Now i look back and can see that i should have left him after 5 years, not 24, and i missed the chance to complete my family with someone who wouldn't have caused me all the depression and anxiety my ex husband gave me.
My advice is that life is too short to be with someone who causes you anxiety, move on, see more friends and make yourself happy, don't rely on this man, you'll find another when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, cathysmith07  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Don't look so much in advance see what's happening now. Well if you think and you feel that he can't treat you the way he should be treated you, i guess it's not a good fundamental for a relationship.
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