A
male
age
30-35,
*chokshi
writes:So my situation is an extremely long one, but I won't get into all the details I'll just say this: my current ex girlfriend and I had a great relationship, and my first relationship. Over the summer she went on a 3 day trip, and I went to visit a friend during that break; long story short we ended up making out, and I felt sick about it afterwards. I had no intention on ever cheating but it just happened.I was very distraught after that and told my gf, and she immediately forgave me after a long crying and yelling session. We are both 18 and now have gone off to different colleges, but what happened after she forgave me was I went into a state of depression for 2 weeks and couldn't figure it out.After I came out of the depression I felt like a totally different person, and literally couldn't stand being around my gf. She has done absolutely nothing wrong, is gorgeous, and shared the exact same values as me. I NEVER ever wanted to let her go. But I decided it was for the best because around her I'd get anxious and depressed and couldn't understand why. Now when I look at pictures of her or even talk to her I feel as if it is a chore and I really don't want to. But I am obsessed with trying to figure it out because I have no idea what happened. As of now, she is going to come visit me at college October 15th (we are broken up) and face-to-face I am going to end things. I feel this is the best way to go about this situation as I can't feel for her, even though she loves me more than anyone ever has and only wants me to be happy again. It's just when we aren't talking and are broken up, I get even more anxious and depressed thinking about her with other guys at college hitting on her. It's such a shitty situation and I feel trapped, I feel like I'm never gonna feel the way I felt for her, but at the same time it just isn't right that my feelings could have gone just like that. I am working with a counselor to bring me to a happy place again and I am praying one day I can mature and realize that she really was the one for me and just appreciate everything she did for me, even if we aren't together. I feel like if I didn't feel for her, it'd be so easy to ditch her, but the feelings have to be there for me to constantly think about it every single second in class and obsess over it all, right? Please help, I feel like I am enclosed in a cage.
View related questions:
depressed, ex girlfriend, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, achokshi +, writes (5 October 2010):
achokshi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. Although I don't feel the guilt anymore, I felt it as soon as I did it. I am extremely sure that the guilt led me to be depressed, and then once I got out of the depression, I felt like a totally different person. I couldn't even remember the good times we had, I can barely remember those good times now. There's basically a black cloud over all the memories. I wake up every single day depressed and think about her like how could I pull such a 360 with my feelings. You know when you look at someone and you just want to give them the biggest hug? I look at her and I just want to run. So yes, you're right it probably has dealt with the guilt, but I feel like a different person now.
I am going to work with my counselor to try and re-develop myself, but I believe all the developing will occur here in college. I am going to go into no contact with her and try and move on. It's a tough loss, but I feel like if I let her go and work on myself and getting through it with the counselor, that is the only way we ever have a chance of re-connecting in the future, even though it's like 1%. It's sad, but right now it's tough to reconnect with college in the way. We are also gonna pick up a lot of baggage along the way, so that'd be a hurdle if we ever try reconnecting again. I just want to be happy again and make peace with breaking up and realize that it was my fault that this happened. I just need to move on for now.
A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Yes I think youre suffering from GUILT.
It makes you numb that is why you dont feel anything and its a big part of depression.
It sucks I know.
But your councilor would know much better soo tell him every single detail.
Also youre are going to regret leaving her after you have sorted things out.Youre doing the rite thing but maybe you should rather just give it time to heal up before making impulsive decisions?
Anyway just my 2 cents.
I still love the one I left behind and think about her everyday! I always think to myself "Stupid of me,If I really wanted to see her happy then I would have made her happy myself!"
Anyway hope it helps although theres no sugar coating here.
...............................
|
