A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Not sure how to begin, but here it goes. I'm in a relationship that has been going great. But since i found out that my bf isn't a virgin and i am, i find myself 'holding back'. I've always imagined losing myself to the one i love, a virgin also. Yes, i do love him, but i feel like this is gonna be another notch in the bed post. (Just the fact that he's had sexual relationships before actually sickens me.) So I'm wondering if i should end this relationship and pursue a relationship with one just as i am?Sorry if this is confusing. This is my first time seeking advice online. Thanks :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): If you want a virgin, hold out for one. There are a lot more of them out there than most people think. That includes american men older than 18. It's socially unacceptable so it's hard to admit most of the time. Very few people really get it.
A
male
reader, Adhocracy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
Finding a bloke who is older than 18 that is a virgin is nigh impossible. keep this guy coz he isn't neccesarily a bad kind of a bloke. Making love and having a fuck are too completely different things. you have something to be happy about, he will have experience enough to know what he is doing and be extra careful ? don't palm him off just coz he isnt a virgin.
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A
male
reader, alejandro +, writes (7 January 2010):
My gf is a virgin and very proud of it. I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity when I was 17 and have had a few sexual partners since then. I however have never looked at any girl as "just another notch in the bed post". My gf and I have talked A LOT about sex and virginity and I realized that love and sex differ for guys and girls. You need to accept the fact that he is not a virgin and try not to focus on that, focus on your relationship. Just becasue he isn't a virgin doesn't make him a bad guy. It is the year 2010 to find a 20 something yr old male virgin that respects you and cares for you may be hard. As long as he treats you right, respects you, and makes you feel loved is all that should matter not his past.
good luck in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (7 January 2010):
 It sounds like you haven't been with your boyfriend long enough. You're not ready to have sex with him and that's ok. I think you're holding back in fear that he will leave you as soon as you've had sex with him. The fact that he's had previous partners won't make a difference whether he will leave you after sex...
You seem to think that a guy who is also a virgin will not leave you after you have sex with him. That is the wrong way of thinking. A virgin guy who's only after one thing will leave you after you have sex with him, just as a guy who's slept with other women and only wants to have some fun with you.
It's not the virginity...it's the motivation and the character of the guy you're with.
Do you like your boyfriend? Do you care about him? I get a sense that you don't know him that well yet and that you don't trust him. This is absolutely fine.
If you like him as a person and want to get to know him better, take your time and don't have sex with him yet. This will let you find out what he's after. If he's still with you after a few months and you haven't slept with him, I'd say he's in it for you.
You need to trust him and the only way you can do that is to give yourself time to see what his actions tell you. I don't think you should leave him based on your fears that may or may not be true at this point. Let time do its thing and be careful.
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