| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend was away south working for a while. I went out with a few friends and got very drunk, ending back up at someone's house I didn't know very well. We were also smoking weed, so I was really gone after a while, all of this should be taken into account that I'm on strong medication for depression, so I shouldn't actually be drinking anyway. In the end, everyone else left, but I had to stay at this person's house because I couldn't find my keys. He kissed me. Me being so wasted, I didn't do anything. The next day I woke up, fully clothed, sleeping between a girl friend and this man. nothing happened except that he had kissed me. I told my boyfriend this had happened, but that it wasn't a proper kiss, just a peck on the lips. I didn't tell him I had woken up next to him, though knowing nothing had happened in that way. I was fine with all of this until this weekend, when, in the pub I saw the man who kissed me. He apologised for interfering when he knows how much I love my boyfriend. (we live together and have been going out for a year with plans to get engaged soon.) Then, later on we had some more friends back to the flat and one of them said that this guy had been freaked out that I woke up in the same bed as him and our other friend. I am very worried that my boyfriend will find out, if the guy who kissed me has been telling people. I cannot tell my boyfriend that he kissed me properly, he is very jealous and it would upset him so much. At the same time, I am struggling coping with it myself, especially since I am on medication for anxiety and depression, on waiting lists for therapists etc. I have already told the man who kissed me not to tell my boyfriend anything. Should I approach him again and say not to discuss it with anyone as our other friend knows now too? I really need some help with this, I am very scared that he will find out. He is the only person that stops me from not living anymore. Please help.
View related questions:
drunk, engaged, fiance, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): hi everyone :]it was really difficult, but I did tell my boyfriend a couple of days ago. He was very upset and angry....but he just says he needs a little while before things get back to normal. In bed he'll hold onto me all night and I know he's hurting. But when he hurts, I hurt the same. We're too close to keep secrets. However...my boyfriend and I both thought this guy who kissed me was gay..he acts gay, talks gay, and I guess you should never assume things about anyone..but it was kind of hard not to. At the weekend I found out this guy wasn't actually gay. I didnt tell my boyfriend when I told him he kissed me that he wasnt actually gay. my boyfriend said that if he wasnt gay, things might have been different. I can't tell him, if he finds out that he isn't gay I'm just going to have to pretend I didnt know and hope for the best....gah...problems like this suck. NEVER ever betray the one you love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Dear I think its important you hug and tell him what happened. You're gonna get engaged and relations are not built on secrets. While I know he will freak out and everything but it'll save you a lot of guilt in the future.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): If nothing happened then and your friend was present to prove this then I dont see why you wouldnt mention it.
I have to say that the problem you have created is why you chose not to tell him you woke up in the same bed in the first place.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Hi, thank you so much for replying to my question.
I've spent the morning looking on other sites at blogs about this kind of thing. Alot of people say to be honest in everything, which is how I feel I should be with my partner as we're so close...
However, alot of people seem to say don't tell your partner, if it was just a one off, and you were very drunk... they also said that if you feel as guilty as I do, all it would do is to make my partner feel so terrible aswell as me, and also damage the honesty and trust in our relationship. i know nothig like this is ever going to happen again...and I'd been fine with it before this weekend, it was just the shock of this aqquaintance of ours, who knows the guy who kissed me, asking me if my partner knew bout me waking up next to this guy the other week.
So, I'm not completely sure what I should do..but at the moment, I'm going to get the phone numbers of the guy who kissed me, and the friend who knows, call them up and ask if anyone else knows and not to discuss it. I do know they would never blackmail me, but the guy who kissed me is a complete dosser, full time waster, so I think he would be unpredictable in maybe telling other people, though definately not my boyfriend.
I know my partner would always, always be honest with me. If he found out he would be devasted..
I don't want to destroy his trust in me because I really know I'm going to be the most wonderful, faithful partner to him. I love him more than anything and I always will...but truth is a key element to all healthy relationships..
Should I bear the pain of doing something bad to the most wonderful thing I know, and just wait for time to heal it? Ensuring that the topic is never broached to him through people he knows?
As for the waiting lists, I only have a week or two left now I think..I havent taken my medication this week, so i'll do that today and it should help. (the medication is anti-depressants, and they were prescribed by my General Practitioner)
I also have the good samaritans number to phone up if I'm really in a state, so that's a good thing I guess.
Anyway, at the moment the only plan I can think of is to phone this people up.
thank you so much for replying and i'll post again when I've made my decision of what to do...
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 I think you should get off the waiting lists and get to a doctor. Who prescribed the medication that you're taking now? You need to stay away from the alcohol and get your mind straight.
As for your boyfriend, I wouldn't offer up any information unless he confronts you with it. If he does, tell him that nothing happened and forget about it.
I think you've learned from this experience and you know not to repeat it. Take care of yourself (your anxiety & depression) before considering getting married.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack...  +, writes (22 October 2007):
shit! this happened to me too! so glad its happened to someone else.
well the good news is youve told your boyfriend a bit, most of the truth.
you could just say "people are spreading stuff about me. if you hear it, its nto true."
OR you could tell your boyfriend you woke up on the same bed as him, but its a bit risky. you could say you slept in the same room as him or soemthing.
basically, the only things your boyfriend might hear from some one else are "she made out with another guy" and "she slept on the same bed as him and woke up next to him".
youve already told your boyfriend about the first bit, and if you find a way to mention the second bit, no one else can do any harm.
but i am worried about the way you seem desperate to shut up the other bloke, be careful he doesnt try and blackmail you.
hope it works out.
xoxooxox
...............................
|
