A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I finally worked the courtage to tell her I love her and then I never heard from her ever again. It's like this book has been opened and it won't close. I've let her go but she pops up in my mind every now and then. She's the one that got away, and as much a I want to call her, I cannot I know she won't answer my call. I do not want to come accross stalkish or freaky, it upsets me because I feel helpless and although we are still friends on facebook I really loved this her more than anything in the world. A bit of background. We were friends for a while beforehand. But when I told her I loved her I never saw her again.To me this is neither good or bad and feels that way too.Please. Thoughtful posts only. I've seen some on here and they are so dull and just written to ennoy the person. So constructive feedback is helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update, I'm now overeas and the communication between us has become better. She's asked me to keep her updated on my travels. I went and visited the place she grew up in Paris, took a photo of my self there and sent her the photo with a message on the back. I think she appreciated the surprise.
We talk every now and then via email and I make her laugh, although sometimes I make a fool of myself of what I say. then she disappears again like a ghost and I won't hear from her for a few months but each time I wonder if I'll ever see or hear from her again.
Some say that there are many fish in the sea, and sometimes, very rarely, you come across a beautiful golden one that is worth the fight to keep. Some say that if you tell someone you love them and if they disapear forever then it was not meant to be, but if they return then it is ment to be. I'm not sure if that's all the case here. I'm having a great time turning each page of the story. I wonder what happens next ... ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will check it out. Anyway I can't let it bother me. I guess I'll see her someday again. I have to move on now I gave it my best shot and some we win some we lose.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Ask Oldersister,
Yes, of course its clandestine, it is very private when we say something so meaningful to someone we truly love. I don't want it advertised. No she is not married and nor am I. our mutual friend knows the ordeal and so does some of our other mutual close friends. but not the wider group.
No the letter was a email message only a few short lines, As per below post by anonymous.
The thing is she's French and the French are very different to the way US/australian/english date, quite unique actually, they have no real concept of dating as we do, It's not the same way. Although, you would not have known this, as this information was not in my original post. I learn somthing new about this often.
I will try to ask her for a drink or somthing for a chat before I leave for my holiday overseas.
The interesting thing is since my original post I kind of like how she comes in and out of my life like that now, its a little surprise, ive learned to let her go and let fate and destiny take control of things now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote her the letter via email. Then I actually saw her at a fairwell party recently, the party had a hidden invitation list. The host was a mutual friend. When we saw each other we talked for much of the night, I never mentioned anything about the past except for things that were non related to us in that way.
It was nice, she left a seat next to her for me, I bought her a drink and we chatted alot. I felt so relieved that I could see her again. I don't know if i'll ever see her again after this because im going away overseas for a few years. but it seems as though she's that mysterious woman that occasionally comes into my life every now and then, then disapears for a while. And even though I know she does not love me back, my heart races when I see her, my palms become sweaty, I breath heavier. It was so good when i saw her again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, she was surprised. Thanks for your answer anonymous. Very constructive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): My recommendation is that you might write her a letter - or send by email, don't use texting - to say that you realize that just coming out and telling her you loved her (presumably you told her in person? If so, what did she say at the time? Did she seem taken aback; very surprised, or did not really respond?)Tell her you can understand that it must have been completely unexpected for her to hear you say you love her, especially if you had not been dating, but just getting together sometimes as platonic friends. You can say you had hoped it might be possible to begin to date and see how your friendship developed, but you understand if this is not what she wants. End by wishing her all the best.This approach of acknowledging her feelings and expressing what your hopes were, and that you respect her choice not to proceed, MIGHT possibly get a response. But, if she does respond, it may only be to acknowledge your letter and express some appreciation for sending it.On the other hand, if she writes and says she wants to date you after thinking it over, would be icing on the cake. I mention it because I expect that is what you would like to have happen. I have to caution you not to put much stock in such an outcome, however! No, tempting as it might be to fantasize, you need to not expect it.........By sending a letter along the lines I've suggested, you will have done all that you humanly can. If she does not reply within a couple of weeks or so, you'll have to consider it closed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you answers, but see this is my exact point. You see walking away is just that. An unclosed book no end... nothing. Everything was left up in the air so to me it means absolutley just that ... No yes' no no's ... nothing.
I know it's really hard to respond to these questions because we all have different experiences ourselves. To treat it as a few lines and scrap of paper is far to shallow for me but I understand your concept and the construcivity behind it. As an adult and experiencing love. I know that Love is random, it happens when we least expect it. it does not grow slow nor fast it takes it's destiny when it does. I see that I simply loved her and she did not love me in return.
I know people say this but I know what it's like to lose the ones we love now, I've experienced it. It seems to be the one thing that I can't bare. I will choose to not love again.
I just need to find away to let her go now
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Sounds like you came on too strong too fast. Or she just wasn't that into you, and the love was one sided. Either way she made her choice, and that is to stay away from you. It's an answer, even though not the one you'd hope for. She turned you down.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (7 December 2009):
 well, I am sorry if this post appears dull or unconstructive but this is me, and my thoughts on your situation.
You were friends, and then, without even dating or any pre warning you up and told her you loved her. It sounds like you werent even really good, close friends.
Of course she walked away, especially if she is in the same age group as you, ie not a dewy eyed drunk on Bold and the Beautiful teenager, but a mature thinking adult.
She probably knows that love grows slowly, with relationships, there is no book here, maybe a torn scrap of paper, but nothing that needs to be closed, no mystery ending, no happy ending, just a very brief few sentences.
So, here is what I think is constructive feedback, take the bit of paper, screw it up and throw it in the bin. Say to yourself "well that was a bit of a waste of my time" accept it as that and move on.
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