A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:5am and the pain is still there.Its 5am and the pain is still there. I did manage to sleep but have woke at 5am and the feelings are still so ripe. The contact ended yesterday with a final text saying "it was for the best it ended". I instigated the ending because in my heart I knew that he wasnt going to meet up with me again. We are both married, the affair started 9 years ago when we were both married. It ended after a few months and we had no contact for almost a decade then out of the blue a few weeks ago he contacted me. For weeks we were messaging each other, he said he had thought of me often over the years as I had him. He said he would like to see me again. He remembered lots of little tiny bits of information about our liaison years ago. He remembered things I hadnt remembered until they jogged my memory. He seemed to want to meet up again yet when we finally arranged it he got cold feet. Being older and wiser (but obviously still stupid) I believed him but yesterday when the contact seemed to be waning and I pushed for confirmation of the meeting (a hotel in my home area) he avoided contact. Pushing further I found out (something I knew deep down really but didnt want to believe) that he really had had no intentions of meeting up. That he was just playing with me (he denied this in a final text message). I think i knew all along he was not going to meet me again but I wanted to believe that all the memories he seemed to remember were because he had feelings for me. Please dont tell me that I need to look to my husband and pull myself together etc as the sex with my husband was and is never as good as with this affair I had. I wanted another bit of the forbidden fruit as it had tasted so good years ago. I so want him to contact me and tell me he is sorry but I know he wont do that. He took years to contact me after the last time that it ended - he ended it that time in a similar way ie not being reliable and I think he only contacted me this time to see if "he still had it". I know it is for the best, I know that it would have been worse if we had met up again and then it had ended but I cant help feeling that if he and I had had one more bite of the forbidden fruit we would have wanted to eat the whole fruit dish that it would have been delicious and we would have wanted it often. I know i need to get over this man and I hope that these desperate sad feelings will pass quickly as I dont want my family to be affected or suspect that there is a problem. I cried myself to sleep last night after they had all gone to bed.
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (16 September 2008):
 You Are Truely going through hell over this thing. I feel your desperation in needing to have someone to tell you something that will make it magically all better. But only time will help you get over this.
You are not stupid, you just made a big mistake having this affair with that guy. Everyone makes mistakes. You are only stupid if you don't learn a lesson from your mistakes.
Don't let this guy sucker you into meeting up with him again. Change your phone number, for your own good.
Ya the tunnel that you are in....is pretty dark and cold right now, but you will see the light of day soon. But I guess not soon enough. As all bad things things that we have endured, this too will pass. It is like being on a huge wave. You ride it for a while, then it subsides.... until the next one. RIDE THE WAVE GIRL, it will be over soon.
XXX
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 September 2008):
Well you just have to carry on. Throw yourself into your family and fill your time. You know that the pain will fade after a while, as it did last time.
Yes this guy was an idiot, or perhaps he got a conscience about breaking up families.
But you are married and you have made your choice to stay with this family and not be single a free to pursue the men you love.
Remind yourself of the reasons you didn't leave and you will be ok.
Good Luck!! xx
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