A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a man I work with for a few months. We both live with our partners so yes, we are cheating. But it's not just about the sex, which has only happened a couple of times and only started recently. It's more about the companionship we offer each other and the fun we have with each other. We've both been having troubles in our relationships and I am on the verge of splitting up with my boyfriend. (We're on a break.)But I've been feeling a bit too deeply about this guy. I told him last night I missed him over a few days I'd been away, and that I wanted to be with him, and he freaked out and said we shouldn't see each other anymore. He thinks that as he can't commit to anything at the moment due to him not splitting up with his girlfriend I'll end up resenting him when he can't come to see me, and that will ruin the great friendship we built before anything else happened.He also said that we can never be in the kind of relationship I want to be in as we'd never trust each other based on how we got together. I think though, I like him enough that I'd be happy just seeing him casually. We have agreed to split up with our partners for our own reasons, and made it clear that we're not breaking up with them to be with each other. But I think that without us seeing each other he doesn't have enough reason to break up with his girlfriend, and I think his decision to not see each other anymore might be just to make his own life easier, i.e. not having to break up with her. But I know he doesn't want to do this - I know he loves me as much as I love him, but he won't let himself feel it; I don't know what he's afraid of. He's said in the past and I agree, how difficult it is to come to work and pretend everything's normal between us. To see each other and not be able to act on our feelings. He's also tried to cool it off in the past because of how he thought it would influence his decision about his girlfriend. But he called it off because there was no point in denying ourselves each other's company when we enjoy it so much. Is there any way I can persuade him that stopping seeing each other is the wrong thing for both of us? I know it might sound stupid to people from the outside - I really regret getting into something so complicated, but I love him now, and I can't get over him so easily. Is there any way out which doesn't involve as much hurt for everyone involved?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Sounds like you are SOL. He loves his girlfriend more than you. Maybe he'll change his mind, maybe he won't but I'd start moving on with my life if I were you.
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