A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is a long one. Been with this guy for almost 11 years. We are almost 6 years married. 2 Kids. I am only 25 almost 26. My husband is super rude and mean to me. I am planning on divorcing him soon. I can't take this abuse from him any longer. But this is my delema. We have been together forever! Lost our virginities together. He has only givin me 1 orgasm by himself without my help by his hand not mouth. And that was about 2 years ago. CRAZY I know right? He wont take the time to figure out what makes me tick. He says he doesn't care and his favorite thing to tell me when I beg or plead with him to take up interest "Your A Joke". Really.. I go down on him whenever he wants, I make the first moves, I let him give it to me anyway whichway. Whatever, I am up for it. We are down to having sex once a month maybe twice if I am lucky. ITs not pleasurable at all. Its all about him. Takes him about 2 minutes and then he is asleep. I give up with him. Now let me explain something. I thought it was me. I thought I had the problem. But I found this guy. I know, bad. But let me tell you something. It started out as a shoulder to cry on and tell him everything that was happening. He couldn't believe my sex life. He decided to show me something. And BAM! Nothing wrong with me. He got me off so quick by mouth that I was shocked. Literally SHOCKED! It frustrates me to the fullest that my own husband won't even take the time. I know it was wrong to have the affair, but I found something out about myself that I would never have. And the longer I stay with him the madder I get and dissapointed in him. I would just like peoples opinions. Thats all, maybe some advice would be nice. THank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I don't wanna make this thing last forever. I want to be civil...as little drama as possible. THat is my goal. It's not about money. Well...child support is a givin...but it will be to help me with the kids. I am a good mom, and they come first and foremost in all of this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): p.s. If you reach your breaking point and want out, then Please try to keep things as calmly as you can. Try to make everything quick and simple. The kids will really suffer if this is dragged out, and it's scarry for them if they're hearing 'Dad hurt mom' (pictures) Don't get caught up in drama, just be matter of fact. Try to protect your kids from the storm. Giving him the house is very mature of you, and shows it's not money your after.
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so I might be complaining. Big deal... it feels good to vent. I know what I have to do, and I am doing it. I will make my life better and my kids. I say what is 1 - 2 more months since I have been doing this for years. In the end....I will make it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Oh honey, I feel for you. I know what a miserable marriage is. I know they say 'we' made them do the things they do. (abusive) In a way, I did- because I didn't reach out for help, because I was scared and had pride to handle it on my own. In your case, his Whole Family that lives across the street would've been involved, and most likely they would take his side. :(And I know how you feel about loving him. I stopped giving my husband my whole heart because I wasn't going let him crush it anymore. The tears stopped and now he'll have to win it back. If he only knew how passionate I could be, but he prefers to take his anger out on me, and WON'T deal with his own problems. It's been 17 long years, and I'm the typical 'staying for the kids' wife. But I certainly don't think I'm doing things right. Keeping the peace is a high price to pay...there are days I just want to be held and loved and 'exhale'.You certainly are a survivor and will do well wherever you are, but I'm worried what your husband is capable of. He's the type that might do something crazy and dangerous, and you need to think of You and your Kids safety. He needs to be defused, and I would recommend calling him after you've left to tell him how you've tried and tried, but can't take his abuse anymore. If you want to give him one last chance, then I would ask him to go to anger management therapy. It's a start.Take care and be careful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): The choice is clear to me: divorce. There will be many reasons, financial and otherwise, to not get divorced, but your description of your life does not negate any one of those reasons. And don't think staying together will be better for your kids: it sounds awful for them, too. I would leave to make a happy home for the kids (and a place you didn't need to build a fire, jeez.). If not, stop complaining and get more fire wood for the redneck. He's probably cold.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, the dilemma in divorce? I was raised with nothing. Mom had 3 kids with 3 different dads. Never stayed in one place long enough to know anyone. His family is like my family. Super close to them more then my own. I don't want my kids raised like me. Horrible childhood. Won't go into that. We are refinancing our house right now. SHould be over with hopefully in a month or so. My car will be payed off and all MY bills. Clean free with a new car! Can't beat that right? THen I could be focusing all my attention on raising my kids right without scrounging and be able to be financially stable for me and them. I am scared to live like my mom. Welfare...I refuse! Welfare is for ppl who can't and who won't. I am not that type of person. And believe it or not, I don't believe in screwing the man over with in the relationship. I mean yeah he has to pay child support, which he makes 3 times as much as me. But at least all his and mine bills will be gone. And it only raises the mortgage 30 more bucks a month then what we are paying now. I don't want the house...even though I have put my all into making it look fantastic. I just don't want to pay that kind of money. ANd we live across the road from his parents. I just wanna say that ya'll don't have to worry. I have my head on my shoulder. The affair is over, way over, like years ago. It still eats at me. Guilt will always be there. But, if I was loved and treated with the respect that I believe I deserve, it would have never of happened. I didn't want to be THAT girl. But that man treated me with the respect and love that I had been wanting. A sense of needed. It was wrong, no doubt about that. And as for my kids. They are my world. Everything I wanted in life are in my kids. I would die for them. But I thank you all for your comments and everything. I will hopefully keep you guys updated on my divorce process. I do know what I want in life and I know that I want to be single. For a VERY VERY long time. No man is going to do me like the way my husband is currently doing me. I am something, I am strong, smart, funny. I am me and he is not going to break me! THank you!Oh by the way. I have pictures of the marks he left on me, I have him on my cell phone threatening me and the works! I even have his confession of saying that he did grab my throat. Priceless. I have journals, everything. He won't win! I have evidence...not just some lonely desperate housewife who is unhappy and wants to make up stories. Yup.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): what's stopping you from divorcing this man again?
You are miserable, he sounds miserable, is your affair over? Well then do something about your life. You sonud likea woman that knows what she wants, then go ahead and divorce him. You are frustrated, your first post was just about the frustration of lack of sex and unfulfilled sex. Your second post revealed harsh insight into your marriage and Life.
Take back control of your life. Put words into actions and live a better life, without your husband, if you have tried everything. Don't just complain, actions please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Phew! I'm sorry -- I'm glad you are employable with skills - you'll need to take care of those kids and yourself, as you know full well. You have credibility. Sounds like you have a terrible marriage. Based on your updated note, I would seek the divorce route, quickly. You have all the evidence you need: Just get out of that unhappy life as quickly as possible, and make a happy life for you and your kids, and don't marry another jerk, please. Stay single, and let men lap your privates:) Again, I'm sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh I get it, you think I am a lonley desperate housewife who has nothing better to do then sit around and find things to say and do to piss my husband off when he gets home? Are you crazy? I work a full 40+ hour job a week. I work day shift. On mondays and Fridays I get up extra early because we both work but he gets up an hour earlier. I have to get my 2 kids up, my boy dressed for school and take them over to my mother-in-laws so she can get him on the bus and I have to go to work. I get off at 3 he gets off at 3:30. I come home pick kids up and take them home. Start laundry, dishes, dinner, bathtime and build the fire. I do EVERYTHING that has to do with the kids and house. I pay half of the mortgage and other bills as well. I don't free-load, I don't use. He may bring the paycheck home. But I know all the bills, I pay them all, I balance the checkbook. His day consist of going to work Friday through Monday. He gets home and takes a shower. Sits in his chair and that is where he stays till he falls asleep and then goes to bed. He sits and watches hunting ALL day long. The only thing he gets excited about is hunting. He is a redneck. He calls me a lazy fat b*tch. He calls me a c*nt, B*tch, a piece of sh*t. Anything you can think of to bring me down. He likes his boss, he doesn't have any worries. Everything is done for him. He like his job. He has 3 days off, I have 2. He takes kids to his moms so he can sit back while they watch them. I have them my whole weekend. I remodel the house, I do the handy work, I even get wood up. I ask for help all the time. He says he is not doing my b*tch work for me. Tells me he is going to kill me if I leave with the kids. I have been saving my money to move out. You can't just leave at the seconds notice when you have 2 kids to think about. Planning comes. And I have been planning. I asked him to go to counseling with me. He says F*ck no. He says he hates me. I don't know why. I try to talk to him...NOT NAG HIM. Our marriage is gone. He has grabbed me, tried to hit me, throw stuff at me, shoves me. All in front of my kids. WHO IS THINKING OF THE KIDS? Not him. Not at all. Even calls my boy names. And for your information Anonymous....I don't ask him for sex during his work week. I ask on his weekend. Your so BIG to point out that maybe I am in the wrong and only me. But you don't know the whole story. Yeah I had an affair with a GREAT guy. And I admit its wrong, and I have asked GOD for forgiveness. But, you would think it was different if the shoe was on the other foot, even maybe think he was cool! I am unhappy, 110% unhappy. And I am trying. I have only had 1 affair, I don't ever plan on having another. Judge me all you want. But since day one of us being together he has done nothing but accuse me. I am a GREAT mom and I try to be a great wife. But I cant be a great wife when you are treated like your nothing to him. Just someone there to do everything for him. Sorry you feel that way. But my life is hell and I am working on making it better.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): I'm guessing that your husband works long hours, is under stress, lacks energy, depressed with many burdens (wife, kids, bills, bad boss, etc.), and that you're a bored stay-at-home mother and housewife, who nags your hubby about makes "you tick" and finding "interests." Please -- he's exhausted. Life is hard. And instead of having empathy for him (and your kids), your focus is on YOU - not him, not your kids. Before you start crying on other men's shoulders about personal issues and letting them lap your privates (Cripes! You're a mother!! Who is the jerk here?!?! You're so big to acknowledge that it's "bad"!), you need to talk to your husband, not about what makes YOU tick, but what makes HIM tick! Why is he behaving rudely? Does he fear he is losing his job? Etc. Instead of trying to get him to say, play mini-golf, find out what is clearly wrong with him. And talk to him on a Sunday morning, not when he gets home from a long day at work, when all you've done is thought about all day about "what makes you tick." Bring up the subject slowly, because he will be ready for another nagging session from you about your favorite subject, you -- say, "Honey, I sense that you are under stress? I'm here for you. Do you want to talk?" Give him some space. Later say that you're concerned about him, and that you want to help him. For his sake, and the kids, and for your sake, and the marriage. Clearly your marriage is off track -- arrange to go to counseling, first you, then your husband, instead of having affairs -- it's not about you, or frankly your husband, but the two kids you made together.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (20 March 2009):
Well then hurry up and get divorced!
If you don't care about cheating, you are unhappy and verbally abused, why are you sticking around?
What do you want us to say?
Get the yellow pages and look up a family solicitor.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): You sound like you are desperately unhappy in your marriage, but before divorce try couples counselling. If that doesnt work then consider divorce.
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