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anonymous
writes: Hi, Please can you help me? I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years, 1 year ago he went to Amsterdam and watched a sex show and went to see strippers. When he came back form there i told him that i was really upset that he felt he need to go watch girls take their clothes off when he had a woman at home, in the following weeks i made his life hell and consiquently since going to Amsterdam our sex life has gone down hill. I am quite insecure about my body although im a size 12 and men do fancy me and do chat me up i dont think im classed as ugly by the opposit sex, Anyway my chap went to las vegas last week and went to see strippers again he come home and told me this, at first i was really mad cus after Amstrerdam i didnt think i would trust him to go away with his mate again but idid and he has done this, i dont think that i can get over it, it makes me feel even more insecure over my body and as soon as something comes on the TV about strippers las vegas or Amterdam i just feel so sad am i being paranoid ? Please help me i dont know wether to stay with him or leave him its just that hes broke my trust and i dont know if this can be repaired. Im 30 years old should i be more grown up or is this just a man thingJ
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): I am sorry but if you explained how you felt and he did it again, well he just does not care enough about you to adapt his behaviour. It is not the issue of seeing the strippers if you had been fine about it that would be OK. As you were not, it shows that he does not place enough value on the relationship to compromise and adapt to your feelings. This means he is immature or does not care about you enough. If your self-esteem is low you can address it. I do not believe that women should have to have therapy to help them cope with men seeing strippers. If it hurts you he should not do it. Get help with your self esteem but don't confuse having low self esteem with having the right to ask for him not to do something. You were perfectly entitled to ask and the fact that he did not seek to support you means he is not right for you. It has nothing to do with your figure. You are great and sensitive, he is being a selfish male chauvenist pig. He is taking you for granted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): you should leave him. your man (and men in general) doesn't realize how his reactions to women affects you. he will only realize when you leave him. don't look back. you'll find another boyfriend; don't let the fear of being alone kept you in a relationship that shatters your self and confidence. listen to me.... he's already done it and "got away with it" it will never end for him you are the perfect girlfriend for him. but he is not perfect for you. he's not even "good enough". good luck
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reader, becky05 +, writes (10 August 2005):
Personally I dont see the problem of him visiting strippers as it has only happened on holiday and he is not doing it all the time. If he was, then it would be a problem. Tell him in future if he goes to see strippers on holiday that youd rather not know about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005): listen to this, it makes no difference where you get an appetite itis where you eat the meal. did he get laid there also or just look. men do look ,have always look and will always look . what diff. does it make?too many women worry about their bodies, i for a while was with an older lady who had breast surgery, they removed about 1/2 of both sides. i thought her beautiful inside and outside. she could not accept that, felt i was lying to her and after a bad patch dropped me over the body thing. if he is a good man keep him . try wearing sexy clothes,turn the lites down, soft music, a little wine and see where that goes one evening
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