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male
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anonymous
writes: I was in a relationship 4 yrs ago which ended very badly and with neither of us talking or having any contact with each other since. I had put it all behind me and moved on and am in a new relationship which i am very happy with. I recently found out that a friend of mine has started to see this person again and it has caused many old feelings to come back. I dont want to start anything with my ex again but i do feel like i need some sort of closure over all of this. Do I go and talk to my ex and try and make things right or do i just move along and ignore the fact shes back? I feel very strongly about trying to sort things out so i can feel better about it all, but i dont want to make things worse somehow by facing her again.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Seems that you never really did get over her hun, and finding this sort of closure as you call it, could do more harm to you than good. I think you are just looking for a way to get back in and see if you cant rekindle things, you probably know you cant, but deep down you wonder if she still likes you or fanices you, and you want to somehow see if things can start again. You could end up opening up a hornets nest, its up to you but you have already said that old feelings have come flooding back, tread carefully, but im not sure what closure you are talking about, surely it will re open it first before you get closure which could complicate things ? Surely when you both walked away and stopped talking that closed things off didnt it ? I think you are maybe curious as to what shes been up to more like and if shes missed you etc... i would be careful if I were you, its sometimes like a brag thing, you go on saying this is whats ive done I didnt fall apart and secretly you hope that she did and that her life was worse with out you.. be careful aswell that you dont upset your current girlfriend, ex's are never good with current girlfriends, she may get upset about it so be careful! I dont think you need closure I just think you need to carry on as normal and if shes around so be it, but stop analysing now, and concentrate on your current girlfriend.
Take care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): Do you really think talking to her again, especially now that she's dating one of your friends, is a sincere effort to find 'closure'? This sounds to me more like an attempt to sabotage a new relationship. A covert, unintentional one yes, but I call interference nonetheless. 4 years is long enough for both of you to have healed your wounds, stepping in at this late stage can only do more harm. You may not like it, but they're going to date. The tasteful and honourable thing to do is to keep your misgivings about it to yourself-people change, and they may have a better chance than you did. Feel free to excuse yourself from events where they'll be together if you're not up to it, but I think everything'll be fine. Just ride out the initial knee-jerk reaction and you'll be back to normal pretty soon.
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