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female
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anonymous
writes: Is it wrong of me to want my boyfriend to only be really close to me, and not other female friends? I get very unnecessarily jealous sometimes, when I feel like he's chummier with other girls than me.I realize that it's rather my insecurities that are talking, because I've got no basis for this jealousy. He's not cheating on me, nor will he in the future. He's just not the straying type of guy.I guess I feel slightly threatened in my position as his girlfriend, if some other girl he's friends with shares an emotional bond with him. The thing is, I don't mind him having female friends, in fact, I want him to have them. I'm not so controlling as to tell him he can't be friends with other girls. But it's just like I said, I rather not have him be so emotionally connected with them, because well, I believe I am supposed to have that role as his girlfriend.Is it wrong of me to feel this way?
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female
reader, Miss Bennet +, writes (13 July 2006):
Its definitely not wrong to feel this way, we feel what we feel. Its great to hear that you trust him because trust is so important. I don't know how deep your relationship is with this guy but if you don't mistrust him but you do feel your role is jeaprodised then I guess you need to think about whether or not you can get over that. In a way his being friendly with girls is like a part of his personality, it is part of who he is. Does that affect whether or nopt you like his personality?I am on the other end of that in a way. I am a female with many male friends. I am even quite close to some of them. I have had boyfriends that have not liked that and ultimately it led to the end of those relationships becasue I didn't feel I could change ( I mean we are talking about my friends and they are important) but I have also had relationships were my partner has accepted that as part of who I am and has learnt to get along with it and even tried to be mates with some of my friends. These relationships have obvisouly been more successful.Basically you need to ask yourself whether you can get past this or not? Is it major jealousy or just slight unease? If it is only slight unease I wouls suggest you tell your boy how you feel and maybe even try hanging out with his friends and making sure that he spends some quality time talking to you about the things that are important to him so that you know you share a valid part of his life too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): God girl, you are sooo jealous aren't you, and for what reason. If your guy is like you say and wouldn't stray, try thinking of his female friends like their his sisters, because if he is deeply into you and no-one else then I'm sure that will be how he feels and that's why he has such a bond with them.
Either that or he's such a womaniser and got you totally fooled, you know the guy, work out which is the right answer and act on it.
Good luck!
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