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male
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anonymous
writes: I just married a woman a few months ago. she was married 15 years, I was 20. we both love each other so much. my wife and I live with her children, my children with thier mother. I have run into a unexpected emotion that has me depressed. my wife likes to show me videos of her children growing up, I enjoy them in thier stages but cant handle my wife and her interactions with her ex-husband. frankly it just hurts to see her with another man, let alone in such a loving way. I know she cant stand the man now because of what he has done to her, she even said it repulses her to see him in the video. but it just hits a heart string in me to see her in that other life. do you think its ok to watch these videos and not feel this way? some are during the great moments of child birth. there is no kissing or anything but it gets me ill. am I being childish about this or is this a normal emotion. I need someone with possibly the same type expirences to help me here. thanks for your replies.
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female
reader, Bekah +, writes (10 February 2006):
 Well, what you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. However much you attempt to control this emotion, you really need to understand that your wife has had partners before you as you have before her. What you need to keep in mind at all times is that she is with you, no longer with them, and therefore that is the past...a memory so to speak. You need to challenge yourself in accepting this. You are far from childish. The point that i am trying to make here is simple...the videos, photos, etc are all fragments and the pieces of the jigsaw that has helped round the woman you are now with...without these she wouldn't be who she is. That is who she was then, with her ex-husband, but times move on, and a point to consider is that she might feel the same. You call it another life...and that is exactly what it is, (so to speak, obviously not that literal.) but her life is with you now, and you should be greatful that she is willing to show you the whole of her. Would you rather she hide it, because of fear of hurting you? I myself have had no experiences to that degree (with me being young) but i find that when i am with somebody, and they talk about their ex's and everything they accomplished with them, that i get jealous. However with time, you learn to realise that without that person or persons in their life, things might not have turned out how they did... Thanks for reading and i hope i've helped..:don't worry :-)
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