A
female
age
36-40,
*ristha
writes:Am i wrong..?? i used to get angry when my husband started talking to other...this is after the time when i found out about my husband after our marriage...that he was already slept with another women, just after we got married.i hate myself for not knowing this.i came to know about the two of them after checking his mailwhen i read all their mails and they been talking about stupid sex that they had...i am so mad...however, my husband nowadays is trying to make everything special to me...but i have no interest." just sometimes".please help..i do love my husband..but my mind and thinking is Totally upsetting me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Just after you were married he was unfaithful and you did not find out until later. You should not be berating yourself for not knowing about this until later. Bad things happen. It's happened.
Though going through his mails was not respecting boundaries. I realise you felt out of your mind with worry. But it is disrespectul to go through the private papers/mails of someone who trusts you.
No matter what the situation try not to do that again. In the end if possibly made you even more upset. It must have felt horrible reading them. I do understand that you really felt compelled to check his mail.
Eventually you did find out. And that would have shocked you to the core.
And it must have shocked him too.
Because he stopped cheating.
It sounds as if he now
He became determinded to treat you as
his SPECIAL woman.
It does sound like he's trying to prove that NOW he can be faithful.
Is that not enough for you? You have said you love him. Or do you only love him 'sometimes'?
I could understand you holding on to your resentment if he was still being unfaithful. But he IS being faithfull now.
At what point could you bring yourself to recognise that NOW he is trying to be a good husband?
Holding on to anger and resentment will
not make you feel better. And this anger and resentment may ruin your relationship.
Is it that he did not apologise in words?
He acted by changing his behavior to NOT cheating again.
Is it that want him to suffer as much as you did and more?
You ARE both suffering together. And that will continue until there can be forgiveness given and accepted.
It is not wrong that you are upset. It's understandable. But now that he's stopped cheating, and now that he's treating you as 'special surely you can both embrace each other and learn to trust and respect and love each?
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